Checked my emails, bought some lovely new shoes, had 10 hours sleep and a dream that my mother and brother ate my sausages while I had a loo break at dinner. I was very angry. And am in my lovely new maternity trousers from topshop which are stretchy soft skinnies but with a superb elastic waist for me and bean to fit into when I am sat down. A dream!
Spent the weekend thinking about the conference offer and have decided... not to do it. Two weeks before my due date is too close! I will probably be having practice contractions, won't be sleeping, will be exhausted from supporting and growing a 6lb human who could be born any day. Plus I have realised that Beanie really does react when I have been stressed or overly busy by hiding and going quiet, which leads me to think that they are not really fans of adventure or changes to routine (very much lke me!) and at this stage in their life I think stress should be best avoided if they react negatively to it - I can't bear the idea of having a stressy baby. And on top of that, just because the conference is in Dec it doesn't mean there won't be a hangover from it that lasts into Jan/Feb with a) poeple contacting me about the presentation (I wish!) or b) the organisation wanting me to complete/revise a paper or STUFF. I can't be doing that, I am OFF work from Christmas Eve. I am otherwise engaged in Decemeber - I am already busy having a baby. I can't push aside my pregnancy or baby as if it is a mere inconvenience. If it was my 5th pregnancy then ok, but it is my first. It was such a hard decision to make - it would have been ten times easier to just say 'yes'. But I have to learn to make decisions like this I guess, recognising Bean as a vital part of my life, not something that can be pushed aside. I have always hated that style of parenting and wondered why people have kids if they didn't think their life would change, or been sad for women who have to be seen to be doing it all, keeping the house, bringing up the kids and having a successful career... Beanie comes first and this was my first test in this respect...
Man it was hard though! I would do it in a heartbeat in my 'normal' life! But I am different now. :D I will email them today and say I can't do it and maybe they will email back and suggest a middle ground that didn't mean I have to go along or something.
Loving the British weather! Was like a steam room in India, sooooo humid it was obscene. I would just sweat sitting down! Here it is lovely and warm but fresh at the same time. I can deal with that ;0)
Right, anyway, onto today! What the chuff am I doing? I was meant to exercise today but think I will leave that until tomorrow (!) as I have enough to do today trying to work out where I am with all the work. I have a paper deadline for Sept 15th. I have a 20 week scan for Bean on Monday and then DF are going out to celebrate with some lovely dins and a bit of Beanie shopping (our first excursion!) in the City, should all be well afterwards, then am off to my Mums new house on Tuesday for a week. I shall take work with me but will use this as a good deadline to Get Stuff Done.
What stuff?!
- Sort out notes from fieldwork and put in a pile in a corner somewhere to be read.
- Get out paper planning info and read through, work out where it is going again and whether it will be good enough.
- Email Sup and say am home now and ask if he wants to meet at all.
- Think about if my fieldwork fits into the paper.
- Think about if my fieldwork fits in my PhD so far... eek!
Hmm. Think today is a sort of organising day really. Better get on with it I suppose!
x J
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