Bugger I am meant to be finishing this chapter tomorrow, and am I? Am I 'eck.
I have barely written anything. I have to work hard today but would say that I am not feeling very well today. And I have no motivation at all, as per.
I wish someone would say I don't have to do this any more. That no-one would mind if I don't get the PhD. And then again I wish someone stronger than me could motivate me. I am fairly weak willed and sort of hedonistic - I don't make myself do things I don't want to do. Like, I won't read a bad book to the end; if I think it is shit and I am not enjoying it I stop. And generally in life I lack motivation to see things through to completion. I get bored and wander off! When I realise I can do something, or have achieved what I wanted to I am happy to stop, I don't feel I have to prove anything.
And so it is with this. I have done a PhD - I have planned, organised and completed my own research - I have written it all up and everything. As far as I am concerned I have done what I set out to do. Now it is phase III - writing up the shit around it for the benefit of every bugger else. I don't care, I know what to do. It is a drudge. A nasty, nasty drudge. I *know* in the long term my life will be better with the PhD, I know this and yet I just don't flipping care.
I am having a tantrum because I don't want to work. Somewhere I have to find a far more grown up part of myself and make myself work :) Maybe have a little deadline...
Today I shall try to write 250 words. Think small and achieve...
x J
I have barely written anything. I have to work hard today but would say that I am not feeling very well today. And I have no motivation at all, as per.
I wish someone would say I don't have to do this any more. That no-one would mind if I don't get the PhD. And then again I wish someone stronger than me could motivate me. I am fairly weak willed and sort of hedonistic - I don't make myself do things I don't want to do. Like, I won't read a bad book to the end; if I think it is shit and I am not enjoying it I stop. And generally in life I lack motivation to see things through to completion. I get bored and wander off! When I realise I can do something, or have achieved what I wanted to I am happy to stop, I don't feel I have to prove anything.
And so it is with this. I have done a PhD - I have planned, organised and completed my own research - I have written it all up and everything. As far as I am concerned I have done what I set out to do. Now it is phase III - writing up the shit around it for the benefit of every bugger else. I don't care, I know what to do. It is a drudge. A nasty, nasty drudge. I *know* in the long term my life will be better with the PhD, I know this and yet I just don't flipping care.
I am having a tantrum because I don't want to work. Somewhere I have to find a far more grown up part of myself and make myself work :) Maybe have a little deadline...
Today I shall try to write 250 words. Think small and achieve...
x J
2 comments:
I am also feeling very lazy and don't want to do anything. For example, I had a job interview today. I knew it was important but I just could not persuade myself to make preparations for it! No wonder the interview turned out quite bad!
Yesterday I was talking to my mom and said that I wish I were a dog or cat - being animals is carefree. They just eat, sleep, without any worries or the awareness of their mortality.
Human life is hard!
hehe, your comment made me chuckle. Let us be cats, they seem to get the best of everything :)
Sorry to hear about the interview though, hopefully it went better than you think!
x J
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