Sorted, I think!

I think I have managed to sort my dilemma and think I can actually write it now!

Phew! I will definitely sleep easier tonight and feel less stressed but still have a long way to go (until it is written really). I have realised that I am going to take out all the writing that I poached from the chapter and use completely new material... this is great for the PhD as it means that by the 10 Oct I will have another chapter and 7,000 words down... But not so good for my deadline! Oh well, once I get writing it will be ok.

I did a new plan, is incomprehensible to anyone but me but explains the structure under headings and has all the references under each argument/thread... I have started writing the introduction and I have the vaguest clue what the essay is about so is just about getting some kind of flow and vocabulary (I can't write in academic language at all!). I emailed the lady who is organising our panel at the conference to ask her when the actual deadline is (!) and who the paper is actually for (!) so I can know whether panicking and losing sleep over the deadline of the 15th is actually worth it or not... and also not rush this work if it isn't necessary. I hate not being able to think because I am time-pressured. I hate being time-pressured. I am expecting her to say the 10th of Oct is fine, so if she says the 15th I will be caught out. This worries me, especially as the organiser is actually in the Occupied Palestinian Territories atm (which is why it took me so long to be desperate enough to need to email her)... I did try a forum with little joy, it seems all conferences have their own little quirks so can't really generalise... some conferences have strict paper deadlines before the conference while others are happy with the abstract and the paper is done for the actual conference day. I don't know what mine does (the website won't tell me) so am lost.

Well, anyway.

I am going to bumble now and pretend to work but not. I am also going to watch some teevee for it is one of those days - I have been quarrelling with my sister all day and am really sick and tired of it :0( And I am a bit pregnant which makes me super sensitive to family quarrelling... and I keep having bad dreams and i don't like it. And I don't like my work. BUT

I can be happy because I really have got over a nasty hump in this work, the transition from reading to planning to writing is always so hard and actually normally takes me weeks or fannying about so I should be pretty happy it only took days ;0); I can be happy because there is actually no footy on tv tonight so I can watch location, location, location and dragons den and be a slob AND DB just came in and asked about dins and I said I can't be bothered to think about it and he suggested fish and chips which is what I am DYING for. YAY! I have eaten so healthily and exercised and everything and now am going to cash in my brownie points.

Tomorrow I am going to do my introduction. No radio like today and minimal skiving. For once I feel I can leave the work and come back to it and sit down and do something, instead of being flummoxed.

Start of term again soon... Ooooh. People! Yuk.

x J