Ok dokey. Today really hasn't been that good, but then again, it hasn't been that bad.
*I did my chores in town so the rest of the week is very predictable
*I completed one of the important books and realised actually, it wasn't *that* important. Hurray! I also had a look at the one for tomorrow and that looks pretty easy to get through.
SOOOOO
Hopefully by the end of tomorrow I should be ready to start Chapter Four! I will sort out a new plan if I need too - I want to start working out my methodology by July 21st which would give me two months before we leave. Eek!
Tomorrow I shall:
*Finish this book
*Spend the rest of any day I have learning some language.
Woo! I am dreading, absolutely dreading starting Ch. 4. BUT am glad that I can start it soon and get to grips with it. It only needs to be a draft at this stage afer all...
Draft schmaft. I am hopeless at doing work in a rough way, it always has to be 'just-so'.
Until tomorrow!
x J
Monday, 30 June 2008
arg
So, I have been into town and back, done a lot of chores and now have a clear mind. Which is nice. Am really stressed though: I tried 'skim reading' this morning but the book is really important. This is such a tricky thing I find with a PhD: keeping to plans; not overrunning too much but also being flexible with yourself by not seeing the making of new plans as tantamount to failure. In the 'old' days, rejigging a plan meant you had failed to keep to your old one, most probably because of too much partying. With this though, due to its dependence on constant discovery even the whole perspective of your PhD can change in one afternoon. So rejigging a plan is almost inevitably going to happen. But, out of habit, I can't help but feel disappointed when I am looking at being two weeks behind schedule. I suppose if you can explain it to your Sup they will understand. Mine hopefully will, luckily for me he always seems to be two steps ahead of me anyway and probably won't be too surprised. As long as I can talk more intelligently about my topic due to the reading it can't be seen as a bad thing...
Soooo I think I will have to concentrate on a LOT of this book. I wish I could photocopy a ton of it and just highlight it, having to write it all out is a pain. I never remember stuff as well if I just highlight though. A brightly covered page can lok like a job well done when in fact I was just highlighting...
I better go off and concentrate then! Am blatently wasting time...
x J
Soooo I think I will have to concentrate on a LOT of this book. I wish I could photocopy a ton of it and just highlight it, having to write it all out is a pain. I never remember stuff as well if I just highlight though. A brightly covered page can lok like a job well done when in fact I was just highlighting...
I better go off and concentrate then! Am blatently wasting time...
x J
Monday 30 June
Monday again!
I am a bit late but no worries, will make up the time later. Am enthusiastic at least! I will turn the laptop off at half ten and do book-reading until half twelve. I will really try and skim read these last few books to get their essence - I just need to pick up their view of the world and principal arguments so I can take them and play with them, or leave them. Then I really must get started on Chapter Four.
I am sleepy! Tut.
Onwards!
arg.
I am a bit late but no worries, will make up the time later. Am enthusiastic at least! I will turn the laptop off at half ten and do book-reading until half twelve. I will really try and skim read these last few books to get their essence - I just need to pick up their view of the world and principal arguments so I can take them and play with them, or leave them. Then I really must get started on Chapter Four.
I am sleepy! Tut.
Onwards!
arg.
Sunday, 29 June 2008
This week...
Plan for this week:
Need finish the self development IR reading I have been doing by Tuesday.
Start Chapter Four reading and analysis
Learn more language
Do 5 more hours of work for DB
Return library book and get hair cut
I am annoyed because I have just realised that I will probably have to go into town tomorrow to return a library book which will basically take up most of the afternoon. Grrr! I may get my hair cut at the same time I don't know. I don't like doing things like this on a Monday, I like to spend Monday working hard so it sets a good precedent for the week. Well, is no point having a sulk about it.
I have done some work for DB today and been for a run. I am thinking about doing a half marathon soon, and today I 'ran' 5k and my body got irritated and gave me a terrible stitch. I ran as much as possible but had to walk sometimes. Running is so good for you so I would like to have a reason to get out more...
So, plan for tomorrow:
Get up and be at desk for 9.30 with coffee. Try and have brekky.
Read about aid. No radio, no faffing!
Go to gym at 12.30, come back have lunch.
Read until 6. No faffing.
Go for SHORT run. 20 mins tops.
Do an hour of DB work in the eve in front of the tele.
Plan #2
Get up and be at desk for 9.30 with coffee. Try and have brekky.
Read about aid. No radio, no faffing!
Go into town, do jobs: haircut if poss, passport photos, return library book. See if there are any linen trousers in sale...
If back before 6 do some reading.
Go for SHORT run. 20 mins tops.
DO DB work for an hour.
Email S and C at some point this week to check they are still coming over on Friday and check the weather for possible bbq!!
x J
Need finish the self development IR reading I have been doing by Tuesday.
Start Chapter Four reading and analysis
Learn more language
Do 5 more hours of work for DB
Return library book and get hair cut
I am annoyed because I have just realised that I will probably have to go into town tomorrow to return a library book which will basically take up most of the afternoon. Grrr! I may get my hair cut at the same time I don't know. I don't like doing things like this on a Monday, I like to spend Monday working hard so it sets a good precedent for the week. Well, is no point having a sulk about it.
I have done some work for DB today and been for a run. I am thinking about doing a half marathon soon, and today I 'ran' 5k and my body got irritated and gave me a terrible stitch. I ran as much as possible but had to walk sometimes. Running is so good for you so I would like to have a reason to get out more...
So, plan for tomorrow:
Get up and be at desk for 9.30 with coffee. Try and have brekky.
Read about aid. No radio, no faffing!
Go to gym at 12.30, come back have lunch.
Read until 6. No faffing.
Go for SHORT run. 20 mins tops.
Do an hour of DB work in the eve in front of the tele.
Plan #2
Get up and be at desk for 9.30 with coffee. Try and have brekky.
Read about aid. No radio, no faffing!
Go into town, do jobs: haircut if poss, passport photos, return library book. See if there are any linen trousers in sale...
If back before 6 do some reading.
Go for SHORT run. 20 mins tops.
DO DB work for an hour.
Email S and C at some point this week to check they are still coming over on Friday and check the weather for possible bbq!!
x J
Saturday, 28 June 2008
Saturday...
Ah it's 7.20 on Saturday and I am a bit bored and restless... The television is useless. Useless! I have read the paper until I am fit to pop... I read it so quickly - I think it is symptomatic of a certain form of information-gobbling that is typical of a PhD student: read, read, read, don't take in periphery info; read, read, read, absorb, suck in interesting tidbits, spit out malnutritious detritus... So I don't read in a very relaxed way. I get full and suffer information overload until at some point I will go mad and turn off all appliances and relish complete silence. Ahhh. I can hear myself think. And then I realise that what I think is crazy unhelpful nonsense and, resigned to my noisy fate, put back on the tele and pick up the paper again.
Last night was a lovely night btw. We went to this little Italian pizza place, owned by Italians and everything! And they sold all Italian drinks and had typical Italian decor - bright lights, tiled walls and relatively sparse compared to English Bistro-style Italian restaurants. The family came over and chatted to us, even the Grandma! She doesn't speak English and gabbled away to us in Italian. I thought it was very funny that the first time I spoke any Italian to an Italian is in a restaurant in England... By the nature of the course we were a very international bunch: Japanese, Columbian, Italian, Spanish, German, Slovak, and the Spanish and Italian speakers gabbled back to the Grandmother. I smiled and croaked out a 'Grazia! Ciao!' We met lots of new people that I like and drank some beer. Had an illicit ciggie outside with DB and where joined by a surprising contingent of secret smokers... Ah, there is nothing like bonding over a cheeky fag. DB and I were in a worry about wether to leave and get the last train home or stay and get a £15 taxi back. We decided we had had a good time and should maybe leave before we got too drunk and regretful, so we ran for the train, got to the doors... and it pulled away. Ah! The sadness! So got that taxi back anyway. Oh well, these things will happen. I was being terribly British and having a quandry in the pub about when to tell the guy who was giving me a detailed and animated answer to a recent question that I had to go now, stop talking please! And not be rude. So bad. If I had been more of a brute then we would have got that damned train!! We were very brave leaving because just before we decided to go a chap placed a few pints of beer in front of me and, having asked him if I could distribute them for him, he explained that they were for anyone who wanted them! A guy at the bar had just bought ten pints for anyone! How ace is that!! And I left... Maybe DB and I are getting old and sensible. Answers on a postcard please.
Anyway we had lots of fun. I am most liking my new sociable position. We talked shop a bit and I had a moment of thinking that I just don't take my work seriously enough... A couple of people mentioned working on the weekend and, as we know, I don't take kindly to weekend-working. I sometimes think I have to remember though that I am a lady of leisure because I am funded, and so don't have to go out to work and waste PhD time on that. This makes a huge difference I think. I am working now though: I have so many outgoings over the next couple of months that some extra cash is desperately needed. I will do data entry for DB and not complain about it. And then get some money!! I feel a bit icky about taking money from DB but I would borrow it from him otherwise. I may borrow the money, then work to pay it off so it is explicit what I am working for.
Today is a happy write off due to a little hangover from last night's extravaganza... We have ordered a wee take away from the most beautiful Indian down the road which I am SOOO looking forward to. I have really watched my eating this week and so this is a treat. Tomorrow I shall go to the gym/run/swim early, then come home and watch Shipwrecked and eat lunch, then do some work for DB - 2 hours - then do some uni reading for 2 hours. Then chill out. Eugh, then it will be Monday! Maybe I shan't do uni work tomorrow... Hmmm. DB is busy busy with important work so we shan't go out anywhere.
I wonder what the weather will be like on Friday... DB and I are having the friends over for some dins and we may have a barbecue! I think I may make barbecue-style food anyway: jacket potatoes, chicken breasts in a masala marinade, salad, home made burgers, veggie kebabs? That would be fun. And they are bringing over some pudding. Yay pudding!!! Am such a fan. I never have pudding in my life, I would have a doughnut or a biscuit or rice pudding for a treat, but pudding, no. And if we eat out I would have a starter rather than pud. So I am very excited by the new prominence of pud in my life... Maybe this is why I am going out more? Do we think???
Ah! My dinner has arrived! Am SOOOO excited. I have ordered a new dish I have never heard of which will be fun (I hope). I am very much a tikka masala/korma/butter chicken kinda gal so this is an adventure!
Have fun times!
x J
Last night was a lovely night btw. We went to this little Italian pizza place, owned by Italians and everything! And they sold all Italian drinks and had typical Italian decor - bright lights, tiled walls and relatively sparse compared to English Bistro-style Italian restaurants. The family came over and chatted to us, even the Grandma! She doesn't speak English and gabbled away to us in Italian. I thought it was very funny that the first time I spoke any Italian to an Italian is in a restaurant in England... By the nature of the course we were a very international bunch: Japanese, Columbian, Italian, Spanish, German, Slovak, and the Spanish and Italian speakers gabbled back to the Grandmother. I smiled and croaked out a 'Grazia! Ciao!' We met lots of new people that I like and drank some beer. Had an illicit ciggie outside with DB and where joined by a surprising contingent of secret smokers... Ah, there is nothing like bonding over a cheeky fag. DB and I were in a worry about wether to leave and get the last train home or stay and get a £15 taxi back. We decided we had had a good time and should maybe leave before we got too drunk and regretful, so we ran for the train, got to the doors... and it pulled away. Ah! The sadness! So got that taxi back anyway. Oh well, these things will happen. I was being terribly British and having a quandry in the pub about when to tell the guy who was giving me a detailed and animated answer to a recent question that I had to go now, stop talking please! And not be rude. So bad. If I had been more of a brute then we would have got that damned train!! We were very brave leaving because just before we decided to go a chap placed a few pints of beer in front of me and, having asked him if I could distribute them for him, he explained that they were for anyone who wanted them! A guy at the bar had just bought ten pints for anyone! How ace is that!! And I left... Maybe DB and I are getting old and sensible. Answers on a postcard please.
Anyway we had lots of fun. I am most liking my new sociable position. We talked shop a bit and I had a moment of thinking that I just don't take my work seriously enough... A couple of people mentioned working on the weekend and, as we know, I don't take kindly to weekend-working. I sometimes think I have to remember though that I am a lady of leisure because I am funded, and so don't have to go out to work and waste PhD time on that. This makes a huge difference I think. I am working now though: I have so many outgoings over the next couple of months that some extra cash is desperately needed. I will do data entry for DB and not complain about it. And then get some money!! I feel a bit icky about taking money from DB but I would borrow it from him otherwise. I may borrow the money, then work to pay it off so it is explicit what I am working for.
Today is a happy write off due to a little hangover from last night's extravaganza... We have ordered a wee take away from the most beautiful Indian down the road which I am SOOO looking forward to. I have really watched my eating this week and so this is a treat. Tomorrow I shall go to the gym/run/swim early, then come home and watch Shipwrecked and eat lunch, then do some work for DB - 2 hours - then do some uni reading for 2 hours. Then chill out. Eugh, then it will be Monday! Maybe I shan't do uni work tomorrow... Hmmm. DB is busy busy with important work so we shan't go out anywhere.
I wonder what the weather will be like on Friday... DB and I are having the friends over for some dins and we may have a barbecue! I think I may make barbecue-style food anyway: jacket potatoes, chicken breasts in a masala marinade, salad, home made burgers, veggie kebabs? That would be fun. And they are bringing over some pudding. Yay pudding!!! Am such a fan. I never have pudding in my life, I would have a doughnut or a biscuit or rice pudding for a treat, but pudding, no. And if we eat out I would have a starter rather than pud. So I am very excited by the new prominence of pud in my life... Maybe this is why I am going out more? Do we think???
Ah! My dinner has arrived! Am SOOOO excited. I have ordered a new dish I have never heard of which will be fun (I hope). I am very much a tikka masala/korma/butter chicken kinda gal so this is an adventure!
Have fun times!
x J
Friday, 27 June 2008
Oooh!
I have perked up now. I did some work for DB for an hour and have been doing some vague research. Am annoyed I haven't done any book-work but, really, I need a break. It will be fine.
I am very excited though, because I have discovered http://www.couchsurfing.com/!! It's fabulous because I have signed on, done a search, and there are 78 people that are cool to meet for 'coffee and a chat' in TN! So when we go we can set up some people to meet and (hopefully) can make some friends! This is great and will make going there so much easier. This way we will have someone to show us around, to tell us gossip about where is fabulous to eat, what markets are great for shopping, how to get by in general, where to live... It will be soooo much easier and more pleasurable than working it all out ourselves and getting stressed and bickering! If one is travelling around, yeah, sort it out for yourself, but the thought of living in a hole for three months (only planned the first three months so far...) when we could have made friends and make it our home is silly. And the whole point of the website is to stay on people's couches when you are travelling (bleugh, not into that) and meet people from other countries and show the newbie around... perfect!
How exciting!
I am not working now. I will faff and make the bed for a bit then get ready to go out. Really looking forward to a drink, some nice food and some company. Hurray! I hope we don't talk PhDs all night, DB will never come out again!
Have a lovely Friday evening all!
x J
I am very excited though, because I have discovered http://www.couchsurfing.com/!! It's fabulous because I have signed on, done a search, and there are 78 people that are cool to meet for 'coffee and a chat' in TN! So when we go we can set up some people to meet and (hopefully) can make some friends! This is great and will make going there so much easier. This way we will have someone to show us around, to tell us gossip about where is fabulous to eat, what markets are great for shopping, how to get by in general, where to live... It will be soooo much easier and more pleasurable than working it all out ourselves and getting stressed and bickering! If one is travelling around, yeah, sort it out for yourself, but the thought of living in a hole for three months (only planned the first three months so far...) when we could have made friends and make it our home is silly. And the whole point of the website is to stay on people's couches when you are travelling (bleugh, not into that) and meet people from other countries and show the newbie around... perfect!
How exciting!
I am not working now. I will faff and make the bed for a bit then get ready to go out. Really looking forward to a drink, some nice food and some company. Hurray! I hope we don't talk PhDs all night, DB will never come out again!
Have a lovely Friday evening all!
x J
Dilemma
I have a dilemma. I think I know the answer I just have to do the workings-out, like in maths...
Problem: I am just out of it today. I went to bed about 45 minutes ago, that is how tired I am. I NEVER do that. Then got up and walked to the garage to wake myself up but walking back was exhausting. I think I am coming to the conclusion that while I haven't got anything as tangible and sympathy-inducing as flu, I have probably got some kind of bug. You can get bugs that wipe you out for a couple of days can't you?! I just don't feel myself. I tried working and can't concentrate on a sentence and cannot find the energy to write notes. How pathetic does that sound?!! Honestly though, writing notes is tiring!!!
SO what shall I do?! I have two choices: struggle through and feel shite at the end of the day when I have continously tried, and failed, to achieve; or take a raincheck on today and do easy stuff. Read about TN perhaps. I think I will advise myself to do nothing today and work maybe on Sunday from 10-2 instead. DB will be working all weekend so this shouldn't be a hardship (too much). Then I can go to the gym, then come back, make some tasty grub and watch Shipwrecked (British reality TV show full of squabbling teens on a beautiful island). Righty that's it then. I would like to make some kind of plan but I just can't. No idea. I will mess about on the internet for a bit then probably try and do some work, and fail. Maybe I will leave it altogether and go downstairs and read my novel (Joanne Harris - Blackberry Wine, really good) and just look after myself for a bit so am better for Sunday? I don't know! Unless I give myself express permission to take the afternoon off I will feel guilty whatever and this will be pointless. If I had a real job I would have asked to go home ages ago and be hanging around eating sausage rolls and getting on DB's nerves.
I shall take it easy. No reading of novels but no reading of hard academic texts either. I shall work out some moving logistics and maybe have a squizz at some sites I am analysing for Chapter Four. Yes! Total change of focus, this will pep me up. How simple.
I shall do that then. Am even too tired to play scrabulous dear reader. Yes, yes. Now you can see that I am genuine.
Internet reading for today. No books. Lots of tea. Radio on. Phew.
Laters!
x J
Problem: I am just out of it today. I went to bed about 45 minutes ago, that is how tired I am. I NEVER do that. Then got up and walked to the garage to wake myself up but walking back was exhausting. I think I am coming to the conclusion that while I haven't got anything as tangible and sympathy-inducing as flu, I have probably got some kind of bug. You can get bugs that wipe you out for a couple of days can't you?! I just don't feel myself. I tried working and can't concentrate on a sentence and cannot find the energy to write notes. How pathetic does that sound?!! Honestly though, writing notes is tiring!!!
SO what shall I do?! I have two choices: struggle through and feel shite at the end of the day when I have continously tried, and failed, to achieve; or take a raincheck on today and do easy stuff. Read about TN perhaps. I think I will advise myself to do nothing today and work maybe on Sunday from 10-2 instead. DB will be working all weekend so this shouldn't be a hardship (too much). Then I can go to the gym, then come back, make some tasty grub and watch Shipwrecked (British reality TV show full of squabbling teens on a beautiful island). Righty that's it then. I would like to make some kind of plan but I just can't. No idea. I will mess about on the internet for a bit then probably try and do some work, and fail. Maybe I will leave it altogether and go downstairs and read my novel (Joanne Harris - Blackberry Wine, really good) and just look after myself for a bit so am better for Sunday? I don't know! Unless I give myself express permission to take the afternoon off I will feel guilty whatever and this will be pointless. If I had a real job I would have asked to go home ages ago and be hanging around eating sausage rolls and getting on DB's nerves.
I shall take it easy. No reading of novels but no reading of hard academic texts either. I shall work out some moving logistics and maybe have a squizz at some sites I am analysing for Chapter Four. Yes! Total change of focus, this will pep me up. How simple.
I shall do that then. Am even too tired to play scrabulous dear reader. Yes, yes. Now you can see that I am genuine.
Internet reading for today. No books. Lots of tea. Radio on. Phew.
Laters!
x J
Friday 27 June
Hello there!
Am not grouchy today. Forgive me for yesterday. In fact this week has been pretty rough. Today I feel a bit under the weather but, don't fret, I am made of stern stuff and will overcome this hyponchondria-induced illness!
Workwise... Didn't do anything yesterday evening. I watched the football actually (DB did, I read the paper). And ate curry - but not takeaway curry, from the shops. I ate stuff you need to to pierce and that came out of tins! I don't normally do this but the ready meal we had was delicious! Really yum. They have come on since I was a student. Am not making a regular thing of it though, DB and I were feeling sorry for ourselves but not so bad that we wanted a takeaway and it was the perfect solution. Got some samosa, some pakora, some popadom. I made the rice... yummy. I LOVE food (this is why I have to exercise a lot!). Actually, I did read about flights and life in TN for a bit.
We are out for a party tonight in town; it is a friend's brithday and she is having a joint shindig with another friend at an Italian restaurant, then on for some drinks and dancing. Needless to say DB and I plan to eat, have another drink to be sociable, then run because we are a bit lurgied, but then we are fantastic boozers and not known for stopping after a shandy to go home early and snuggle up in front of Casualty (Brit TV hospital drama. Bit not very good)... This is another strand of the new sociable me - last year I would never have gone to this. A whole room full of people I don't know?! What if they talk to me?! What do I do?!!! I also had a thing about eating in front of strangers. Whereas I am not worried about tonight at all for some reason. In fact, I am rather looking forward to it. How curious. DB is coming too to meet my friend(s) - he has also been very unsociable so far. I am glad he is coming. I thought he would duck out and use his lurgy as a (fine) excuse but is still up for it. Hurray! The great thing is that the restaurant is by the train station so we can get the train in and not drive. Yaya!
Other than tonight I am going to do.... nothing for the rest of the weekend. Some work for DB methinks and maybe learn some lang. Get some sleep, am soooooooo tired out. I did mention the seaside but I think DB has to do lots of work this weekend for the hour or two he may have missed while he was ill... Such a square. Hmmm, Saturday morning is the best: sleep in, get the paper, eat some kind of hot breakfast, lounge around... It is only Sat avo that I have guilty feelings about not doing PhD work.
Anyways! On to today. Today... I will read about:
* The ethnography of aid. How fascinating! (not being sarcastic).
* Go for a SLOW 5K run in my 'new' trainers.
* Eat beans on toast for lunch.
MAYBE, if work is going ok, I may go into town with DB later and get a haircut. Although my personal hairdressing skills are not to be sniffed at I wouldn't mind something a bit sharper and have a voucher for a haircut for £25 at Toni and Guy. This is bargainous. I would like a little crop with a fringe, like is all the rage at the mo. Luckily I have a tiny head and so short hair suits me (better than longer hair methinks) and there are only so many years in the future I will be able to get away with short hair. I will grow it out again after this cut. I have to return a book to the library too. It is a pain living away from the Uni. It's a 45 min commute to do the 8 miles by train (15 min walk to train, 15 mins on train, 15 min walk on other side). This makes going to uni a total chore and basically takes up a whole morning/afternoon. I wish I had a bike. But then I would get run over. Is a real boy-racer culture round this way. Stupid boys.
Anyway. I will get on with work.
x J
Am not grouchy today. Forgive me for yesterday. In fact this week has been pretty rough. Today I feel a bit under the weather but, don't fret, I am made of stern stuff and will overcome this hyponchondria-induced illness!
Workwise... Didn't do anything yesterday evening. I watched the football actually (DB did, I read the paper). And ate curry - but not takeaway curry, from the shops. I ate stuff you need to to pierce and that came out of tins! I don't normally do this but the ready meal we had was delicious! Really yum. They have come on since I was a student. Am not making a regular thing of it though, DB and I were feeling sorry for ourselves but not so bad that we wanted a takeaway and it was the perfect solution. Got some samosa, some pakora, some popadom. I made the rice... yummy. I LOVE food (this is why I have to exercise a lot!). Actually, I did read about flights and life in TN for a bit.
We are out for a party tonight in town; it is a friend's brithday and she is having a joint shindig with another friend at an Italian restaurant, then on for some drinks and dancing. Needless to say DB and I plan to eat, have another drink to be sociable, then run because we are a bit lurgied, but then we are fantastic boozers and not known for stopping after a shandy to go home early and snuggle up in front of Casualty (Brit TV hospital drama. Bit not very good)... This is another strand of the new sociable me - last year I would never have gone to this. A whole room full of people I don't know?! What if they talk to me?! What do I do?!!! I also had a thing about eating in front of strangers. Whereas I am not worried about tonight at all for some reason. In fact, I am rather looking forward to it. How curious. DB is coming too to meet my friend(s) - he has also been very unsociable so far. I am glad he is coming. I thought he would duck out and use his lurgy as a (fine) excuse but is still up for it. Hurray! The great thing is that the restaurant is by the train station so we can get the train in and not drive. Yaya!
Other than tonight I am going to do.... nothing for the rest of the weekend. Some work for DB methinks and maybe learn some lang. Get some sleep, am soooooooo tired out. I did mention the seaside but I think DB has to do lots of work this weekend for the hour or two he may have missed while he was ill... Such a square. Hmmm, Saturday morning is the best: sleep in, get the paper, eat some kind of hot breakfast, lounge around... It is only Sat avo that I have guilty feelings about not doing PhD work.
Anyways! On to today. Today... I will read about:
* The ethnography of aid. How fascinating! (not being sarcastic).
* Go for a SLOW 5K run in my 'new' trainers.
* Eat beans on toast for lunch.
MAYBE, if work is going ok, I may go into town with DB later and get a haircut. Although my personal hairdressing skills are not to be sniffed at I wouldn't mind something a bit sharper and have a voucher for a haircut for £25 at Toni and Guy. This is bargainous. I would like a little crop with a fringe, like is all the rage at the mo. Luckily I have a tiny head and so short hair suits me (better than longer hair methinks) and there are only so many years in the future I will be able to get away with short hair. I will grow it out again after this cut. I have to return a book to the library too. It is a pain living away from the Uni. It's a 45 min commute to do the 8 miles by train (15 min walk to train, 15 mins on train, 15 min walk on other side). This makes going to uni a total chore and basically takes up a whole morning/afternoon. I wish I had a bike. But then I would get run over. Is a real boy-racer culture round this way. Stupid boys.
Anyway. I will get on with work.
x J
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Groucho
Hey y'all
Today, I have to confess, I am a grouch. I am a smile-free zone. My emotional state = flat to point of sociopathy. Am not in a bad mood though. Just grouchy.
However, regardless of that fact, I have had rather a good day! I finished a book this morning (only needed the intro and conclusion), have put another aside for a rainy day (probably won't read it) and so am down to my last three books. And of those I am not sure I need a lot of one of them. So my plan tomorrow is to blitz them. BUT they are really interesting and about a concept I haven't read much about but am totally fascinated by soooo... I may take them into Monday. So I hope to be starting on Chapter four's work on Tuesday. Cool. I went to the gym too, have eaten well and spent this afternoon looking through a book I may/may not need and mostly, actually, reading about TN on tinternet. I am all excited about the adventure side of it all again now. I know what visa I will need as well and have pretty much worked out where we will stay when we get there. Hurray! I am a traveller-guesthouse type of person, totally the oppostie to my ma who is a 5* Sheraton hotel kind of person. Luckily there is one of those with one of the best restaurants in the country, where food and beer and live music costs £8 a head. Woooo! Our currency goes a long way... When we go I am taking two weeks off before I start my volunteer position and start researching to acclimatise a bit and ease myself into the culture shock! Learn some language, get over the inevitable food poisoning, do a bit of travelling around. Yay! Reading around about stuff like that takes the edge off the scariness and logistical confuddles it gives me!
I am super-forgetful today I have noticed. I stopped work early actually because of this, I wasn't taking anything in any more and would do it twice as fast tomorrow (hopefully will get some sleep tonight!)
It has been raining all day which has suited my mood most delectably. I would have to say, and this proves what a general grouch I am, that autumn is my favourite month. I love the darkening nights, and the red leaves, and how the weather is so tangible and expressive. I love to go to European cities in September/October (ooh get me! It is very cheap to go to the continent from here and it's DB's Birthday in Oct...) I have been to Prague and Paris; they were beautiful. The rivers had steely, moody hues and the light when the sun is dimming would be a gorgeous yellow/sepia ochre. Ah... And being able to sit outside for one drink before you get too cold. The slight nip in the air. The streetlights coming on as people head home from work to their cosy, tiny apartments, or hang around a bratwurst stand, or duck into a busy bar to escape the rain... Dark, snuggly mornings. Hot breakfasts and coffee... I love it! I would hate to live somewhere permanently sunny. Somewhere that doesn't have weather. That's why we Brits talk about the weather all the time - we love it! It is so interesting! Imagine no talk about the weather... I can't!
Mmmm, tonight... I have told DB that I would do some work for him to earn some pennies for my passport... He would lend me the money but I don't like that if I can't pay it off quickly. However, the work is very, very boring. It's also another thing to avoid/feel guilty about. This is a pain. Maybe I shall only do it on the weekend. But then I would have no time off! And I have weekends to treasure and not be PhD-girl 24/7. Arg. What a fix. I thought an hour a night would be cool but to be honest, if I don't want to be doing PhD work, I certainly don't want to be doing rubbish boring work.
See? I am a grouch. I shall slope off and grumble elsewhere. If you stuck this post out this long, I salute you!
x J
Today, I have to confess, I am a grouch. I am a smile-free zone. My emotional state = flat to point of sociopathy. Am not in a bad mood though. Just grouchy.
However, regardless of that fact, I have had rather a good day! I finished a book this morning (only needed the intro and conclusion), have put another aside for a rainy day (probably won't read it) and so am down to my last three books. And of those I am not sure I need a lot of one of them. So my plan tomorrow is to blitz them. BUT they are really interesting and about a concept I haven't read much about but am totally fascinated by soooo... I may take them into Monday. So I hope to be starting on Chapter four's work on Tuesday. Cool. I went to the gym too, have eaten well and spent this afternoon looking through a book I may/may not need and mostly, actually, reading about TN on tinternet. I am all excited about the adventure side of it all again now. I know what visa I will need as well and have pretty much worked out where we will stay when we get there. Hurray! I am a traveller-guesthouse type of person, totally the oppostie to my ma who is a 5* Sheraton hotel kind of person. Luckily there is one of those with one of the best restaurants in the country, where food and beer and live music costs £8 a head. Woooo! Our currency goes a long way... When we go I am taking two weeks off before I start my volunteer position and start researching to acclimatise a bit and ease myself into the culture shock! Learn some language, get over the inevitable food poisoning, do a bit of travelling around. Yay! Reading around about stuff like that takes the edge off the scariness and logistical confuddles it gives me!
I am super-forgetful today I have noticed. I stopped work early actually because of this, I wasn't taking anything in any more and would do it twice as fast tomorrow (hopefully will get some sleep tonight!)
It has been raining all day which has suited my mood most delectably. I would have to say, and this proves what a general grouch I am, that autumn is my favourite month. I love the darkening nights, and the red leaves, and how the weather is so tangible and expressive. I love to go to European cities in September/October (ooh get me! It is very cheap to go to the continent from here and it's DB's Birthday in Oct...) I have been to Prague and Paris; they were beautiful. The rivers had steely, moody hues and the light when the sun is dimming would be a gorgeous yellow/sepia ochre. Ah... And being able to sit outside for one drink before you get too cold. The slight nip in the air. The streetlights coming on as people head home from work to their cosy, tiny apartments, or hang around a bratwurst stand, or duck into a busy bar to escape the rain... Dark, snuggly mornings. Hot breakfasts and coffee... I love it! I would hate to live somewhere permanently sunny. Somewhere that doesn't have weather. That's why we Brits talk about the weather all the time - we love it! It is so interesting! Imagine no talk about the weather... I can't!
Mmmm, tonight... I have told DB that I would do some work for him to earn some pennies for my passport... He would lend me the money but I don't like that if I can't pay it off quickly. However, the work is very, very boring. It's also another thing to avoid/feel guilty about. This is a pain. Maybe I shall only do it on the weekend. But then I would have no time off! And I have weekends to treasure and not be PhD-girl 24/7. Arg. What a fix. I thought an hour a night would be cool but to be honest, if I don't want to be doing PhD work, I certainly don't want to be doing rubbish boring work.
See? I am a grouch. I shall slope off and grumble elsewhere. If you stuck this post out this long, I salute you!
x J
Thursday 26 June
Today has not started well at all! I am sat at my desk like a zombie... I am not ill (phew!) as predicted, though DB is. I am just knackered for no reason. I haven't been sleeping well. Last night I went to bed at 11 and was so tired but didn't sleep until around 3am... Woke all through the night as well. I have no idea what is up but I am absolutely drained again today. I don't care though, I am going to ignore it.
Plan:
Read!
Exercise!
Cheer up!
Learn some lang!
I am just wiped out like a wee baby.
Better go and get my cuppa fresh coiffee.
Wish me luck!
x J
Plan:
Read!
Exercise!
Cheer up!
Learn some lang!
I am just wiped out like a wee baby.
Better go and get my cuppa fresh coiffee.
Wish me luck!
x J
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Born free, as free as the wind blooooooows...
Yay it's the end of the day! I am so pleased with today as well. This avo I looked through a couple of books and realised that they may be useful at some point but I shouldn't read them now as it isn't that important. I have three books that I should read really and then I will get on with Chapter Four. That chapter needs to be done by the 12 July... It won't be at all. Ok, lets say the 20 July. That is my total deadline, anything I still have to complete at that stage is going to have to wait until I get back from TN next year. That is quite a motivator because I really would hate to come back to a half-written jumble and have to start the analysis again from scratch. THEN I can get on with sorting out my methodology. I am really looking forward to that, I will feel like I am on the homeward stretch to going away. Can't wait!
Leaving to go away is playing on my mind like crazy. I am so worried about packing up the house and all our belongings and finding and affording storage for 6 months. I don't know where to start. DB keeps reassuring me and saying that at least we don't have to 'unpack', clean and organise at the other end but he doesn't realise how much organising is going to have to go into packing. Normally you just whack it into a van, have an argument, get lost, unpack it, eat a takeaway and set up to sleep among boxes for a few weeks. Ta da! House successfully moved. But with this it is like the life laundry, nothing is going to be kept that is nonsense tat so packing will need to be very focused. I know this, and I also know the state of the garage. DB is a hoarder so we have a lot of stuff. I am so anxious about all the arguments we are going to have. I always think I we cannot possibly love each other when we move house, we bicker and argue and drive each other crazy. One issue I sense brewing is my books and his tat. He has tat - he has like, a sega games machine and pedals for it and stuff. He never uses it. In fact he hasn't even taken it out of the carrier bag it was put in at the car-boot he bought it at 3 years ago. He also has video tapes, tons of them, and we don't even have a video recorder. There is all sorts of this rubbish and he said the other night in front of my friends that he will sort this out if I have a cull of my books. I have around 800 books granted, but they are my loves and in two bookshelves, minding their own business. I am good as well, I re-read books. And I would throw some away (charity shop) but some are presents and I feel bad about that. And some I haven't read but that is because I haven't been in the right mood for them. Some I will get rid of, but really, it will end up being about 10. This is going to be an issue I can feel it in my bones. I cannot see this as a fair swap - unless I kept them all in bags in the garage too.
Then there is the problem of what to take... I just assumed we would just take our big ol' backpacks and that would be that. And part of that is right: we are just taking our backpacks. But there is NO way on this planet that 'that will be that'. What about my notes and books?!! What about my LIFE?!! What about my PhD stuff? (Don't ask me what it is, all I know is that to function normally I need to be in my office at home which is FULL of stuff - newspaper articles, books, magazines etc. Academic paraphernalia I can glean info from immediately). How do I choose what to leave behind?! Photos for example... Xmas bits... I dunno, just silly stuff that you can't be on the other side of the world when you unpack and go 'ah, sugar, I forgot so-and-so'... I am quite terrible as well because I pack for any eventuality when I am just going to spain for a week. I will be ruthless. Ruthless!
*teeth chattering in fear*
Also, I am stupidly worried about clothes. I don't have any summer clothes, like trousers and that and don't have any money to go and buy any (is all toasty in TN. And wet for a good part. Yay). Maybe there will be a sale in August or Sept and I can stock-up then... I am going to be in rural, conservative areas and vest-tops would be considered risque I reckon. But who knows?! Such is the mystery of exotic travel. Only it isn't that exotic, I am just a fretful fool. (I wrote fretfool then to start with. hehe) Mainly foolish because it would be ridiculous to think I shan't be able to buy western style clothes there, but I pack for any eventuality remember?! What if they don't?! WHAT IF. Yeah, see, you're worried now too.
So they, obviously apart from getting a passport, visa, jabs and plane ticket, are my moving concerns.
I did learn more lang this avo though! Consolidated what I learnt the other night and also recognised more sounds this time. Oooooh! The thing about learning a language is that it has immediate satisfaction. Total academic antithesis to a PhD.
I feel better for having got that off my chest. I try to talk to DB about my fears but he just looks at me with concerned pity and tells me it will be fine, practically patting me on the head at the same time. This is because I worry a lot and he doesn't.
Am hunker-munker.
Ah, plan for tomorrow:
*exercise! Definitely.
*Read 1.5 books. No dawdling over lovely sentences/stories about CIA brainwashing in the 50s.
*Go through lang learned today.
So much to do! So little time! Must watch some tv and make it all go away...
x J
Leaving to go away is playing on my mind like crazy. I am so worried about packing up the house and all our belongings and finding and affording storage for 6 months. I don't know where to start. DB keeps reassuring me and saying that at least we don't have to 'unpack', clean and organise at the other end but he doesn't realise how much organising is going to have to go into packing. Normally you just whack it into a van, have an argument, get lost, unpack it, eat a takeaway and set up to sleep among boxes for a few weeks. Ta da! House successfully moved. But with this it is like the life laundry, nothing is going to be kept that is nonsense tat so packing will need to be very focused. I know this, and I also know the state of the garage. DB is a hoarder so we have a lot of stuff. I am so anxious about all the arguments we are going to have. I always think I we cannot possibly love each other when we move house, we bicker and argue and drive each other crazy. One issue I sense brewing is my books and his tat. He has tat - he has like, a sega games machine and pedals for it and stuff. He never uses it. In fact he hasn't even taken it out of the carrier bag it was put in at the car-boot he bought it at 3 years ago. He also has video tapes, tons of them, and we don't even have a video recorder. There is all sorts of this rubbish and he said the other night in front of my friends that he will sort this out if I have a cull of my books. I have around 800 books granted, but they are my loves and in two bookshelves, minding their own business. I am good as well, I re-read books. And I would throw some away (charity shop) but some are presents and I feel bad about that. And some I haven't read but that is because I haven't been in the right mood for them. Some I will get rid of, but really, it will end up being about 10. This is going to be an issue I can feel it in my bones. I cannot see this as a fair swap - unless I kept them all in bags in the garage too.
Then there is the problem of what to take... I just assumed we would just take our big ol' backpacks and that would be that. And part of that is right: we are just taking our backpacks. But there is NO way on this planet that 'that will be that'. What about my notes and books?!! What about my LIFE?!! What about my PhD stuff? (Don't ask me what it is, all I know is that to function normally I need to be in my office at home which is FULL of stuff - newspaper articles, books, magazines etc. Academic paraphernalia I can glean info from immediately). How do I choose what to leave behind?! Photos for example... Xmas bits... I dunno, just silly stuff that you can't be on the other side of the world when you unpack and go 'ah, sugar, I forgot so-and-so'... I am quite terrible as well because I pack for any eventuality when I am just going to spain for a week. I will be ruthless. Ruthless!
*teeth chattering in fear*
Also, I am stupidly worried about clothes. I don't have any summer clothes, like trousers and that and don't have any money to go and buy any (is all toasty in TN. And wet for a good part. Yay). Maybe there will be a sale in August or Sept and I can stock-up then... I am going to be in rural, conservative areas and vest-tops would be considered risque I reckon. But who knows?! Such is the mystery of exotic travel. Only it isn't that exotic, I am just a fretful fool. (I wrote fretfool then to start with. hehe) Mainly foolish because it would be ridiculous to think I shan't be able to buy western style clothes there, but I pack for any eventuality remember?! What if they don't?! WHAT IF. Yeah, see, you're worried now too.
So they, obviously apart from getting a passport, visa, jabs and plane ticket, are my moving concerns.
I did learn more lang this avo though! Consolidated what I learnt the other night and also recognised more sounds this time. Oooooh! The thing about learning a language is that it has immediate satisfaction. Total academic antithesis to a PhD.
I feel better for having got that off my chest. I try to talk to DB about my fears but he just looks at me with concerned pity and tells me it will be fine, practically patting me on the head at the same time. This is because I worry a lot and he doesn't.
Am hunker-munker.
Ah, plan for tomorrow:
*exercise! Definitely.
*Read 1.5 books. No dawdling over lovely sentences/stories about CIA brainwashing in the 50s.
*Go through lang learned today.
So much to do! So little time! Must watch some tv and make it all go away...
x J
Wow
I am feeling most pleased with myself. I have worked and concentrated my little socks off and have finished the enormous book of knowledge!! Yaya! Now what to do... Am supposed to be working until 6 today. Am having a little well deserved skive to celebrate and then I shall read a little book that I only need the intro for. Not another tome just yet, is a bit demoralising facing huge book after huge book.
The semi finals of the Euros are on tonight so I think DB will comandeer the tv. I don't mind as there is little on I want to watch and think I may sit in the kitchen for an hour and learn some language. I do not want to go out anywhere. No sir, I am only just keeping out of my pyjamas (again. hmmm). I am going to make tuna pasta and salad for dins tonight. Poor DB is feeling much the worse for wear, which makes me worried that tomorrow I will feel worse not better. Early to bed for me tonight and lots of salad in my salad laters. (!)
I am very pleased as well because the running shop said that my trainers are just fine and dandy but my insoles are naff and have no support; therefore, they blister my feet. So I now have some lovely new insoles and will take them out for a spin tomorrow I hope! It will be like having new trainers! Imagine if it is comfortable! That I can just concentrate on running and not wincing! This would be great. I think I have a date with a virus tomorrow though. Oh woe, oh woe.
Hockey cokey, back to the books. Oh, will type this latest ref up on endnote first (why I have my laptop on in the first place - am so forgetful) and then choose a wee book, I think I will encounter the one titled War and Hunger. Oh what a joyous, heart warming read that looks...
x J
The semi finals of the Euros are on tonight so I think DB will comandeer the tv. I don't mind as there is little on I want to watch and think I may sit in the kitchen for an hour and learn some language. I do not want to go out anywhere. No sir, I am only just keeping out of my pyjamas (again. hmmm). I am going to make tuna pasta and salad for dins tonight. Poor DB is feeling much the worse for wear, which makes me worried that tomorrow I will feel worse not better. Early to bed for me tonight and lots of salad in my salad laters. (!)
I am very pleased as well because the running shop said that my trainers are just fine and dandy but my insoles are naff and have no support; therefore, they blister my feet. So I now have some lovely new insoles and will take them out for a spin tomorrow I hope! It will be like having new trainers! Imagine if it is comfortable! That I can just concentrate on running and not wincing! This would be great. I think I have a date with a virus tomorrow though. Oh woe, oh woe.
Hockey cokey, back to the books. Oh, will type this latest ref up on endnote first (why I have my laptop on in the first place - am so forgetful) and then choose a wee book, I think I will encounter the one titled War and Hunger. Oh what a joyous, heart warming read that looks...
x J
Good going
Hey
WELL I have done well so far! Have managed to control my scrabulous addiction and sat down and read for two continuous, unbroken hours. Yay! So much more to do though. Stopped because I am hungry so am making some lunch and aim to be back at my desk for 1.45. Will work through until 6 I should think. Am not going to the gym because I really feel tired and think resting today would be better, with the aim of going tomorrow and also avoiding injury. Oh, anyway, DB has taken my running shoes to the running shop for some analysis... !! I would love to run more and for longer but my running shoes give me terrible blisters so I can go once a week max. Probably more once every two weeks. I would really like to do a half marathon at some time and then a whole one. Don't get me wrong, I hate running and am not a keen athletic creature, but I do feel good after doing it and it is so easy and free!
Better check the ol' facebook before my eggy has boiled and demands my attention.
Laters!
x J
WELL I have done well so far! Have managed to control my scrabulous addiction and sat down and read for two continuous, unbroken hours. Yay! So much more to do though. Stopped because I am hungry so am making some lunch and aim to be back at my desk for 1.45. Will work through until 6 I should think. Am not going to the gym because I really feel tired and think resting today would be better, with the aim of going tomorrow and also avoiding injury. Oh, anyway, DB has taken my running shoes to the running shop for some analysis... !! I would love to run more and for longer but my running shoes give me terrible blisters so I can go once a week max. Probably more once every two weeks. I would really like to do a half marathon at some time and then a whole one. Don't get me wrong, I hate running and am not a keen athletic creature, but I do feel good after doing it and it is so easy and free!
Better check the ol' facebook before my eggy has boiled and demands my attention.
Laters!
x J
Wednesday 25 June
Right, today it is all change.
Today:
* not having the radio on. Well, maybe a teeny teeny bit. I like the company.
* not playing scrabulous. This is a definite. NO scrabulous until after work. This will be hard dear friends. I am addicted to scrabulous, particularly because I win all the time and am now in a position of loss with two games. This MUST be addressed forthwith. But no, I am strong and will abstein. I will!
*am generally banned from the internet/computer.
I will:
*read a LOT and become a fountain of knowledge on security studies.
*Huff, puff and sigh about my sad lot in life and actually wish for a job so I can talk to people all day and go on the internet.
I may or may not exercise - if I don't then I will work through exercise time. I have to confess I am not feeling my usually perky self today. I feel very tired, a bit 'ill' in some way - a bit coldy - and rather withdrawn. Pity poor me. Maybe dragging my sorry arse round the gym is just what I need. Hmmm... no. Ice cream is what I needs; apple crumble and ice cream.
SO! On with work. I will probably pop in around lunchtime to report seeing as I am pretty obsessed with this here diary. It makes me feel fairly accountable which is a Good Thing.
Bye then.
Don't wanna go!
Have to go... Bye bye, bye bye...
x J
Today:
* not having the radio on. Well, maybe a teeny teeny bit. I like the company.
* not playing scrabulous. This is a definite. NO scrabulous until after work. This will be hard dear friends. I am addicted to scrabulous, particularly because I win all the time and am now in a position of loss with two games. This MUST be addressed forthwith. But no, I am strong and will abstein. I will!
*am generally banned from the internet/computer.
I will:
*read a LOT and become a fountain of knowledge on security studies.
*Huff, puff and sigh about my sad lot in life and actually wish for a job so I can talk to people all day and go on the internet.
I may or may not exercise - if I don't then I will work through exercise time. I have to confess I am not feeling my usually perky self today. I feel very tired, a bit 'ill' in some way - a bit coldy - and rather withdrawn. Pity poor me. Maybe dragging my sorry arse round the gym is just what I need. Hmmm... no. Ice cream is what I needs; apple crumble and ice cream.
SO! On with work. I will probably pop in around lunchtime to report seeing as I am pretty obsessed with this here diary. It makes me feel fairly accountable which is a Good Thing.
Bye then.
Don't wanna go!
Have to go... Bye bye, bye bye...
x J
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
Hopeless
It didn't work. I got too scared and skived. I really need to concentrate on that book and half-hearted reading for the sake of it today, to make myself feel that I hve done something, won't be worth anything. I may as well leave it and come back to it tomorrow, refreshed, guilty and conscientious.
Tomorrow I will:
* Read a LOT of the book and not sulk about it
* Go to the gym/pool/for a run
That's it! Concentrated work is the key.
x J
Tomorrow I will:
* Read a LOT of the book and not sulk about it
* Go to the gym/pool/for a run
That's it! Concentrated work is the key.
x J
Oh dear!
I have just opened my book as I said below and the WHOLE thing, every single chapter, is brilliantly useful. Fantastic, fantastic stuff. Good times. However, it is going to take me a week odd to get through it! I don't have a week! I can't! Oh NOOOOO! That's my weekend gone. Bad times.
I mean, it's great and I look forward to reading it but... I am daunted by the task. A whole book. I suppose this is why doing a PhD is time consuming and, like, hard.
Deep breath. In I go.... Intro minimum today. Quickly; how much can you read in a day? Generally a 20 page article that is really relevant and that I am writing lots of notes for will take me, if I am 'in the zone' so to speak, about 5 hours... A long morning. I am a quick reader but it is all the thinking that is time consuming, all the cross referencing in your head, new ideas, the realisation of another 'theme' and so on...
Am procrastinating.
Bye!
x J
I mean, it's great and I look forward to reading it but... I am daunted by the task. A whole book. I suppose this is why doing a PhD is time consuming and, like, hard.
Deep breath. In I go.... Intro minimum today. Quickly; how much can you read in a day? Generally a 20 page article that is really relevant and that I am writing lots of notes for will take me, if I am 'in the zone' so to speak, about 5 hours... A long morning. I am a quick reader but it is all the thinking that is time consuming, all the cross referencing in your head, new ideas, the realisation of another 'theme' and so on...
Am procrastinating.
Bye!
x J
Washout
Today is a washout. I haven't even opened my book. I have flitted from website to website and played scrabulous. I blame it on DB who went to the shop with an order of crisps (salt and vinegar walkers or hula-hoops please) and something hangover-y like scotch egg/nice sarnie/sausage roll: picnic food. Basically, I don't want to make anything or see anything healthy. And what did he come back with? A microwave burger for him (bleugh) and spinach, mushrooms, broccoli, salad, bla bla bla for me. Not even crisps! How can he forget the crisps?! Sweet cruelty of life. So I am living off fresh coffee because I am so lazy I won't make myself anything or go to the shop myself to get some treats. If I had treats I am sure I could bribe myself into working with them: 'half an hour of reading = crispies'... Actually it isn't a bad thing as eating bad food is not (by definition) very good and this is actually why I haven't gone to the shop myself. I will survive without munchies. And I am going to cook a marvellous stir fry for dinner, with lots and lots of veggies, brown rice (one step too far? Hmm. White rice) and am not sure whether to put eggie in the mix or have it as a fried egg on top, a la Indonesia (yes, I have been there. Managed to slip that in nicely eh?!) Bit of soy sauce, sesame oil, garlic... yumlicious.
What annoys the pants off me is that DB manages to work come rain or shine, come food poisoning or red wine hangover. He is so dedicated and motivated. Gets right up my nose. If I was on my own I would probably be in my jammies watching BB, eating yoghurt with my finger and contemplating a visit to the chippie. Instead, I have a house full of leafy veg and a guardian who makes me feel guilty by virtue of his goodness. So I have been at my desk for most of the day (when not wandering around the house, lonely as a cloud...), not working. Having to put up with Nihal on radio one offending my ears with his crashingly dull, nonsensical jibber-jabber. Still, am nearly there. I can touch the book. I will work! I have decided.
I didn't mention about the squirrel that tried to break in to my kitchen window the other day while I was making Banoffi pie. I cannot believe I forgot to tell this story. So there I am, with mucky paws and chocolate shavings all over the kitchen, reading the recipe on my laptop. I was stood facing the kitchen window, about two foot away from it, when there is this sharp and piercing scratching noise like out of a horror film and a darkening of the window. I look up and there is the squirrel (Terry; quite a regular in the garden) clinging on to the window pane, face pressed up to the window, sniffing away, eyes staring and poppy and very determined. I was terrified, really scared. The shrieking noise was his claws scraping down the window as he was trying to hold on and get in. And he was making these unnatural jerky movements as his little paw lost its grip and he pulled it up to dig into the glass again. Like an evil squirrel automaton. It was awful! I was stunned and just stood there not moving. He fell off soon after and scampered off thank goodness. DB reckons he wanted the nuts in my nutty biscuit-base! Very surreal.
Last story: I got a credit card statement this morning that was unpleasant reading. I had been charged dear reader, charged. I am too old and good for this nonsense so gave them a call. I HATE calling the bank more than I hate calling in general. And I informed them that with the £30 refund on my card and my top-up payment this is over the minimum amount you requested so give me back my money! And they said to me that refunds don't count as 'payment'. I am confused by this! Surely it is money into my account, it contributes to my overall statement of credit and therefore should be part of the payment. But no. Got my charge refunded anywho but thought I would mention it. Don't rely on it folks!
Righty I'm off. Well, actually I am not going anywhere. I shall read though. I will. I too am a good person.
x J
What annoys the pants off me is that DB manages to work come rain or shine, come food poisoning or red wine hangover. He is so dedicated and motivated. Gets right up my nose. If I was on my own I would probably be in my jammies watching BB, eating yoghurt with my finger and contemplating a visit to the chippie. Instead, I have a house full of leafy veg and a guardian who makes me feel guilty by virtue of his goodness. So I have been at my desk for most of the day (when not wandering around the house, lonely as a cloud...), not working. Having to put up with Nihal on radio one offending my ears with his crashingly dull, nonsensical jibber-jabber. Still, am nearly there. I can touch the book. I will work! I have decided.
I didn't mention about the squirrel that tried to break in to my kitchen window the other day while I was making Banoffi pie. I cannot believe I forgot to tell this story. So there I am, with mucky paws and chocolate shavings all over the kitchen, reading the recipe on my laptop. I was stood facing the kitchen window, about two foot away from it, when there is this sharp and piercing scratching noise like out of a horror film and a darkening of the window. I look up and there is the squirrel (Terry; quite a regular in the garden) clinging on to the window pane, face pressed up to the window, sniffing away, eyes staring and poppy and very determined. I was terrified, really scared. The shrieking noise was his claws scraping down the window as he was trying to hold on and get in. And he was making these unnatural jerky movements as his little paw lost its grip and he pulled it up to dig into the glass again. Like an evil squirrel automaton. It was awful! I was stunned and just stood there not moving. He fell off soon after and scampered off thank goodness. DB reckons he wanted the nuts in my nutty biscuit-base! Very surreal.
Last story: I got a credit card statement this morning that was unpleasant reading. I had been charged dear reader, charged. I am too old and good for this nonsense so gave them a call. I HATE calling the bank more than I hate calling in general. And I informed them that with the £30 refund on my card and my top-up payment this is over the minimum amount you requested so give me back my money! And they said to me that refunds don't count as 'payment'. I am confused by this! Surely it is money into my account, it contributes to my overall statement of credit and therefore should be part of the payment. But no. Got my charge refunded anywho but thought I would mention it. Don't rely on it folks!
Righty I'm off. Well, actually I am not going anywhere. I shall read though. I will. I too am a good person.
x J
Homophobia rules OK, obviously
I am angry dear reader. ANGRY! I have just read in the paper that Heinz have pulled their deli mayo advert because it features two men kissing.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/jun/24/asa.advertising
I have lots of problems with this. They weren't kissing actually, they just kissed quickly as the deli guy is pretending to be 'mum', and hubby goes to work. He is called Mum by the kids. They are demonstrating that having this deli mayo is like have a real New Yawk style deli in your kitchen. It is a joke! They aren't actually even being a real gay couple, the 'mum' is a De Niro-alike to represent the 'deli'. Even if it wasn't a joke, it is legal in this country for two men to be married, for them to foster/adopt children and should be acceptable for them to get away with a quick kiss. I am not a fan of unneccessary public displays of affection (especially on the london tube. Why do couples get on the tube and start snogging the faces off each other?! I personally do not find the tube erotic) but please, this is ridiculously sensitive. I am so angry that the 200 odd fascists who complained have such a grip on this country. I think Heinz should have had some balls and said they were keeping it. Why not?! What is actually wrong with this advert? Two men are kissing. This is offensive, people have complained, take it off. This is pandering to homophobia. I am SOOO disappointed with this country. This, the Tories in London, Gordon Brown being a mardy-arse mousey, 42-day detentions, 'British Day'... The country is going to the dogs. Racist, homophobic, sexist...
Grrrrrrrrrr!! I am going to go into hiding!!
I shall post from my bunker.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/jun/24/asa.advertising
I have lots of problems with this. They weren't kissing actually, they just kissed quickly as the deli guy is pretending to be 'mum', and hubby goes to work. He is called Mum by the kids. They are demonstrating that having this deli mayo is like have a real New Yawk style deli in your kitchen. It is a joke! They aren't actually even being a real gay couple, the 'mum' is a De Niro-alike to represent the 'deli'. Even if it wasn't a joke, it is legal in this country for two men to be married, for them to foster/adopt children and should be acceptable for them to get away with a quick kiss. I am not a fan of unneccessary public displays of affection (especially on the london tube. Why do couples get on the tube and start snogging the faces off each other?! I personally do not find the tube erotic) but please, this is ridiculously sensitive. I am so angry that the 200 odd fascists who complained have such a grip on this country. I think Heinz should have had some balls and said they were keeping it. Why not?! What is actually wrong with this advert? Two men are kissing. This is offensive, people have complained, take it off. This is pandering to homophobia. I am SOOO disappointed with this country. This, the Tories in London, Gordon Brown being a mardy-arse mousey, 42-day detentions, 'British Day'... The country is going to the dogs. Racist, homophobic, sexist...
Grrrrrrrrrr!! I am going to go into hiding!!
I shall post from my bunker.
Tuesday, 24 June
Hellooooo
Firstly I have to confess something that is not very clever. I am a bit hungover and VERY tired. We went out for our cider and shivered in the sun for a while and then DB had the great idea of popping into the offy on the way home for a bottle of wine. And some lager. And some cider. Oh dear. I can say that I wasn't very excited about this idea but didn't discourage it. So I dutifully drank some wine and lager and cider, had a jacket potato and went to sleep apparantly, because I woke up in front of the tele at around 5am. (Wierd, I never do that). Trudged upstairs and then dreamt about a foster child that I loved to bits that was also a cute puppy for hours. Was most confused upon awakening. Got up very late. DB is ill today - not just from cider or man-flu, but in actual real-life. I am too lazy to do anything about this I am afraid; he is walking and talking so I am sure he can fend for himself for a bit...
So, on to today...
*I must do more than lament last night's booziness
*I must read about critical security studies
*I should sit in the sun for a bit, while it is out like
No, in all seriousness I will find a book that is easy on the brain I think today and may combine reading it with some sunshine, so may have to postpone the book I had planned. I will drink water, eat bran flakes and maybe go for a walk of some kind. Maybe take DB out with me. I MUST get out of this brain-fug.
Ahh the puppy/foster child in my dream was just so adorable. I actually kind of miss it/them.
x J
Firstly I have to confess something that is not very clever. I am a bit hungover and VERY tired. We went out for our cider and shivered in the sun for a while and then DB had the great idea of popping into the offy on the way home for a bottle of wine. And some lager. And some cider. Oh dear. I can say that I wasn't very excited about this idea but didn't discourage it. So I dutifully drank some wine and lager and cider, had a jacket potato and went to sleep apparantly, because I woke up in front of the tele at around 5am. (Wierd, I never do that). Trudged upstairs and then dreamt about a foster child that I loved to bits that was also a cute puppy for hours. Was most confused upon awakening. Got up very late. DB is ill today - not just from cider or man-flu, but in actual real-life. I am too lazy to do anything about this I am afraid; he is walking and talking so I am sure he can fend for himself for a bit...
So, on to today...
*I must do more than lament last night's booziness
*I must read about critical security studies
*I should sit in the sun for a bit, while it is out like
No, in all seriousness I will find a book that is easy on the brain I think today and may combine reading it with some sunshine, so may have to postpone the book I had planned. I will drink water, eat bran flakes and maybe go for a walk of some kind. Maybe take DB out with me. I MUST get out of this brain-fug.
Ahh the puppy/foster child in my dream was just so adorable. I actually kind of miss it/them.
x J
Monday, 23 June 2008
Signing out
Today I have
*Gone to the gym for an hour
*Eaten very healthily (yay! always fairly easy on a Monday I find...)
*Finished Kaldor book and typed up ref onto endnote. Big fan of endnote. On to next book tomorrow. I had a feeling Kaldor would be dispatched fairly quickly. The one tomorrow is more up my street so will probably take days. I don't have days!
Is all sunny outside and DB came back from town an hour ago in a very bouncy mood and has persuaded me to finish work early to take part in a faux-magners advert down the local. Only it will be us two on our todd, the cider will be warm Strongbow, anyone else there will be in a tracksuit and probably shouting at a baby and I will probably be effecting some kind of twitch as I am very sensitive to the presence of wasps. Not so magners advert any more.
My tummy is rumbling like crazy but I am not hungry. What freaky-deakyness is THIS?! Well we have no food anyway so it will have to do with the Kate Moss diet of booze and fags.
x J
*Gone to the gym for an hour
*Eaten very healthily (yay! always fairly easy on a Monday I find...)
*Finished Kaldor book and typed up ref onto endnote. Big fan of endnote. On to next book tomorrow. I had a feeling Kaldor would be dispatched fairly quickly. The one tomorrow is more up my street so will probably take days. I don't have days!
Is all sunny outside and DB came back from town an hour ago in a very bouncy mood and has persuaded me to finish work early to take part in a faux-magners advert down the local. Only it will be us two on our todd, the cider will be warm Strongbow, anyone else there will be in a tracksuit and probably shouting at a baby and I will probably be effecting some kind of twitch as I am very sensitive to the presence of wasps. Not so magners advert any more.
My tummy is rumbling like crazy but I am not hungry. What freaky-deakyness is THIS?! Well we have no food anyway so it will have to do with the Kate Moss diet of booze and fags.
x J
Friendly intimidation...
I find it a real anomaly that I can be pretty confident in what I am doing, almost 'coasting' along (for now) basking in the praise of my Sup from my transfer meeting... and then I come across another PhD student. Even if they are my friend, the loveliest friend in the world ever, I feel intimidated by their prowess, by their tenacity, by their work ethic and hectic social life. By their commitment and general all-round seriousness and maturity. In contrast I feel I bumble along, walk into doors and walls, disappear from my desk at the drop of a hat, have hardly any social life because I don't work as much as I should in the day and daren't make arrangements... And I feel bad about all this even though I know this isn't true at all. I know I don't bumble and am, in fact, very organised; I know that I have a good work ethic and don't go out because of this work ethic (changing now though - I can increasingly manage having a PhD workload and a social life). I also know that I, too, am serious, certainly when it comes to the state of international politics and my PhD. I am not mature though. I wonder when that feeling strikes you. Maybe when you are a parent?! Probably never I think...
I hate this insecurity. This need to be like other people. It's as if I am bored of myself, and the way other people live/address their work is that much more interesting and unequivocally better simply because I don't do it. Maybe there is a hint of low self-esteem in there?!! (Do we think?! hehe.) It is like, if other people don't do things the way I do them, then my way is probably wrong. This is a bad way to think methinks. Why think this?! I shall change it henceforth!
I want to do something exciting soon. Maybe go to the beach. DB and I are traditional beach-dwellers from the Westcountry (no accents please) and up in this part of the world it is beautiful, but no sea. I am dying to go to an old-school beach resort and eat fish and chips while strolling along the promenade... My sis and I went into the sea in Spain and it was fantastic fun and really warm... Shan't be like that here I know... Maybe I shall talk to DB about it later and arrange something for this weekend! Yeah!
Am thinking of joining squash club at the leisure centre. I love squash but never get to play it and have been too shy to join anywhere. I feel in way like I am coming out of some kind of PhD-induced social cocoon. Last year I was soooooooo stressed about failing and being kicked out, my Sup admitting that he go it wrong and I am not able to do this PhD after all. 'You are the weakest link, goodbye.' So I worked my socks off and hardly went out and did, unsurprisingly, have a bit of a personal wobble in June, and again post-MRes dissertation in Sept. Since then I have been determined to look after myself more and realised that if I were to work all day every day and place myself under such perfectionist pressure for the next few years, I would just pass out. Literally. So this year has been so much more structured and I have learnt to not feel guilty in my 'time off'. When I have a deadline I work very hard, but other than that I am in this for the long haul and need to be the tortoise not the hare. And it seems to be working. And so, I feel better in myself and am slowly coming out of my work bolthole and sniffing the air. Am very pleased with this! Let's get out there! Let's see the world!
Ah. the sun is out today - can you tell?!
Must get back to Kaldor.
Laters!
x J
I hate this insecurity. This need to be like other people. It's as if I am bored of myself, and the way other people live/address their work is that much more interesting and unequivocally better simply because I don't do it. Maybe there is a hint of low self-esteem in there?!! (Do we think?! hehe.) It is like, if other people don't do things the way I do them, then my way is probably wrong. This is a bad way to think methinks. Why think this?! I shall change it henceforth!
I want to do something exciting soon. Maybe go to the beach. DB and I are traditional beach-dwellers from the Westcountry (no accents please) and up in this part of the world it is beautiful, but no sea. I am dying to go to an old-school beach resort and eat fish and chips while strolling along the promenade... My sis and I went into the sea in Spain and it was fantastic fun and really warm... Shan't be like that here I know... Maybe I shall talk to DB about it later and arrange something for this weekend! Yeah!
Am thinking of joining squash club at the leisure centre. I love squash but never get to play it and have been too shy to join anywhere. I feel in way like I am coming out of some kind of PhD-induced social cocoon. Last year I was soooooooo stressed about failing and being kicked out, my Sup admitting that he go it wrong and I am not able to do this PhD after all. 'You are the weakest link, goodbye.' So I worked my socks off and hardly went out and did, unsurprisingly, have a bit of a personal wobble in June, and again post-MRes dissertation in Sept. Since then I have been determined to look after myself more and realised that if I were to work all day every day and place myself under such perfectionist pressure for the next few years, I would just pass out. Literally. So this year has been so much more structured and I have learnt to not feel guilty in my 'time off'. When I have a deadline I work very hard, but other than that I am in this for the long haul and need to be the tortoise not the hare. And it seems to be working. And so, I feel better in myself and am slowly coming out of my work bolthole and sniffing the air. Am very pleased with this! Let's get out there! Let's see the world!
Ah. the sun is out today - can you tell?!
Must get back to Kaldor.
Laters!
x J
Monday morn...
Helloooooo
Today really really feels like a Monday morning at work. This is good because I am not really at work so there is no need to go to the toilet and cry; but am feeling 'worky' enough to be conscious of needing to be 'at work'.
Got to my desk at about 9.50 this morning... woke up at half nine and faffed for a bit. Yesterday we did manage to go out for a walk and, as you can see, I am back quite safely... !! I tried a tactic of staying out of DB's way yesterday and virtually ignored him which seemed to work because he bounded up to me at about half seven all cheery as if nothing had happened. Fine by me.
I am rather stressed this morning reader. It is my darling little bro's (not so little any more, he's a manager... Still my little brother though) birthday tomorrow and as of yet I have no gift or card. The gift is what gets my goat because I ordered the Flight of the Conchords album for him donkey's yonks ago, they said 'yay! we have it!' 'Oh! We've sent it!' Then, ages later, confessed they had been lying to me. Luckily DB has to go into town later anyway so will look for it and post it for me. I hope it all comes off. Need to make a card. Maybe I should do that now. It would take me as long to make one as to go and buy a generic one. I really should have done this over the weekend. Why didn't I?! WHY?!! I will read a bit, draw a bit, read a bit, draw a bit.
PLAN for today:
* (Start and...) Finish Kaldor's book
*Go over some lang (maybe between 5.30-6.30)
*Get to the gym! go go go!
That's about it. Not a hectic day today. I read an article once that said that big tasks or lists of tasks shouldn't be attempted on a Monday. I am very much down with that.
I am also miffed because I have an internet bank account that I cannot access online. Or anywhere else. And when I ring them it takes forever to get through, they are incompetent, unhelpful and so on. I have written and complained but is taking them a long tome to sort anything out for me. And they changed my address details from someone else's passport ages ago, loads of bills racked up and I never knew. Sounds good doesn't it?! Alliance and Leicester: avoid, avoid!
Must get on with something!
x J
Today really really feels like a Monday morning at work. This is good because I am not really at work so there is no need to go to the toilet and cry; but am feeling 'worky' enough to be conscious of needing to be 'at work'.
Got to my desk at about 9.50 this morning... woke up at half nine and faffed for a bit. Yesterday we did manage to go out for a walk and, as you can see, I am back quite safely... !! I tried a tactic of staying out of DB's way yesterday and virtually ignored him which seemed to work because he bounded up to me at about half seven all cheery as if nothing had happened. Fine by me.
I am rather stressed this morning reader. It is my darling little bro's (not so little any more, he's a manager... Still my little brother though) birthday tomorrow and as of yet I have no gift or card. The gift is what gets my goat because I ordered the Flight of the Conchords album for him donkey's yonks ago, they said 'yay! we have it!' 'Oh! We've sent it!' Then, ages later, confessed they had been lying to me. Luckily DB has to go into town later anyway so will look for it and post it for me. I hope it all comes off. Need to make a card. Maybe I should do that now. It would take me as long to make one as to go and buy a generic one. I really should have done this over the weekend. Why didn't I?! WHY?!! I will read a bit, draw a bit, read a bit, draw a bit.
PLAN for today:
* (Start and...) Finish Kaldor's book
*Go over some lang (maybe between 5.30-6.30)
*Get to the gym! go go go!
That's about it. Not a hectic day today. I read an article once that said that big tasks or lists of tasks shouldn't be attempted on a Monday. I am very much down with that.
I am also miffed because I have an internet bank account that I cannot access online. Or anywhere else. And when I ring them it takes forever to get through, they are incompetent, unhelpful and so on. I have written and complained but is taking them a long tome to sort anything out for me. And they changed my address details from someone else's passport ages ago, loads of bills racked up and I never knew. Sounds good doesn't it?! Alliance and Leicester: avoid, avoid!
Must get on with something!
x J
Sunday, 22 June 2008
Weekender
Sunday afternoon... The Deadzone. I am waiting for my banoffi pie to go down so I can go to the gym and work its evilness off. I haven't stopped eating it since friday night; I worship at the door of the evil genius who created the Banoffi Pie recipie...
Moving on! Friday night was lovely, lovely fun. Had some scrummy food and not drinking was not a problem. As I said below, they are civilised people (they don't even have a tv. How amazing and adult is that?!) and getting blotto over dinner just isn't their style. It was nice for DB to meet them properly too, all was great and we got on marvellously. We went downhill when we got home though, and tucked into bottles of grolsch and chain-smoked rollies until 7.30 in the morning. ?!! Was really good fun for some reason. So, slept most of yesterday then didn't really get off the settee all day. Today so far I have tidied up the kitchen and made some grub, managed to completely pi*s off DB by asking him if he would like some cooked breakfast (he is stressy with work. I shall stay away) and so made some for moi; have consumed said breakfast (reasonably 'healthy', I avoided any meat and had a tommie, beans, mushroomies, scrambled eggs and hash browns)... then was feeling rather content and tucked into some banoffi pie... And am now here! Must go to the gym later and think I will go over some language learning from the other day. I really need to work out a plan to earn some money too.
I don't like being in the doghouse. Actually earlier I was daydreaming about when I am an adult in my grown-up house with my outbuilding... The that can be my doghouse but it will have a radio, tele, beanbag, coffee maker, massive art trestle table, laptop and desk looking into the garden... a doggie... newspapers... And I can shut the door and be in 'my' space. I hate sharing the space of a grumpy person, especially when you seem to be the principle antagonist making things fall out of cupboards, making things hard to find, offering hot food, making noise etc.
Suppose I had better do something. I think I may move my lazy arse from the settee to the bath.
Arg holiday programmes on the tele! I want to go on holiday again! It is raining and sooooo windy and chilly today. I was all up for going to the hills later and doing some serious hiking but I think DB would use it as a rouse to get me to a quiet location, push me out of the car and drive off. Hike up a hill anyone?
Hmm so tomorrow is Monday. This week I really need to get stuck into the rest of my 'self development' reading. I wanted to have it finished for Thursday but this isn't going to happen. I think I will finish it for next wednesday. Am going to read Kaldor's book on Human Security tomorrow. And probably learn a bit more lang. I am really into it which is great. I learnt enough on Friday avo that I could start to form word sounds and sound less like an English person. I find that very satisfying!
ok ok. Am rambling on for want of company. Let me do something constructive. I need to wash and go out somewhere.
see ya laters y'all!
x J
Moving on! Friday night was lovely, lovely fun. Had some scrummy food and not drinking was not a problem. As I said below, they are civilised people (they don't even have a tv. How amazing and adult is that?!) and getting blotto over dinner just isn't their style. It was nice for DB to meet them properly too, all was great and we got on marvellously. We went downhill when we got home though, and tucked into bottles of grolsch and chain-smoked rollies until 7.30 in the morning. ?!! Was really good fun for some reason. So, slept most of yesterday then didn't really get off the settee all day. Today so far I have tidied up the kitchen and made some grub, managed to completely pi*s off DB by asking him if he would like some cooked breakfast (he is stressy with work. I shall stay away) and so made some for moi; have consumed said breakfast (reasonably 'healthy', I avoided any meat and had a tommie, beans, mushroomies, scrambled eggs and hash browns)... then was feeling rather content and tucked into some banoffi pie... And am now here! Must go to the gym later and think I will go over some language learning from the other day. I really need to work out a plan to earn some money too.
I don't like being in the doghouse. Actually earlier I was daydreaming about when I am an adult in my grown-up house with my outbuilding... The that can be my doghouse but it will have a radio, tele, beanbag, coffee maker, massive art trestle table, laptop and desk looking into the garden... a doggie... newspapers... And I can shut the door and be in 'my' space. I hate sharing the space of a grumpy person, especially when you seem to be the principle antagonist making things fall out of cupboards, making things hard to find, offering hot food, making noise etc.
Suppose I had better do something. I think I may move my lazy arse from the settee to the bath.
Arg holiday programmes on the tele! I want to go on holiday again! It is raining and sooooo windy and chilly today. I was all up for going to the hills later and doing some serious hiking but I think DB would use it as a rouse to get me to a quiet location, push me out of the car and drive off. Hike up a hill anyone?
Hmm so tomorrow is Monday. This week I really need to get stuck into the rest of my 'self development' reading. I wanted to have it finished for Thursday but this isn't going to happen. I think I will finish it for next wednesday. Am going to read Kaldor's book on Human Security tomorrow. And probably learn a bit more lang. I am really into it which is great. I learnt enough on Friday avo that I could start to form word sounds and sound less like an English person. I find that very satisfying!
ok ok. Am rambling on for want of company. Let me do something constructive. I need to wash and go out somewhere.
see ya laters y'all!
x J
Friday, 20 June 2008
End of day!
Woo it's Friday and the end of the day. oooh! end of the weeeeeeek!
Today has been a good day in many respects. I didn't get out and run around so that is a shame, but I will go tomorrow nae bother. Other than that though today:
*I finished Naomi Klein's tome. Wooo! Didn't need to read all of it so that was good.
*I learnt some language for TN. Well, some grammer basics and can now say 'hi! My name is Jayney.' Sad though it may be I am very excited about this and have already greeted DB enthusiastically on the occasions he dared to step foot out of his office to go to the loo.
* I had my Heb B jab with new nursey, and it was earlier than anticipated ('emergency' ECG at 3 apparently) so was all over by half two and had the rest of the avo to work. Also she was a bit saner and knew stuff about giving and receiving jabs. What crazy nursey had told me was wrong on too many counts. I am never seeing her again, no way. I should complain really but there is a part of me that feels sorry for her and that complaining would be mean. She would be all confused and feel bullied and would never get another job. Oh, the NHS how you tax me on so many levels.
* I had some LOVELY, heartwarming comments in response to my last post and my cockles are still warm, I thank you kindly for starting my weekend on such a fantastic note!
Am off for some grub later with PhD friends that I haven't seen for months and cannot wait to spraff on and on and on about PhD stuff. And their trip to Canada of course. Maybe I shall stuff a cigarette in my mouth for long enough for them to talk about their life-changing experience. And then talk PhD again. I just never, ever get to talk about it! I whine on at DB but he doesn't get it - neither do my friends really - so to talk to uni peeps who are going through it and understanding where they are with it practically and emotionally is going to be great, and I hope to bask in a bit of mutual admiration, thus: 'you work so HARD don't you?! Aren't you good. And clever.' 'No! no, YOU work so hard Jayney, and are so good and clever!' Ahhhh. so good and clever...
I don't actually smoke unless I have an alcoholic drink and hope to stop all nastiness in Oct when we go away. Too hot and not really seen as a ladylike thing to do really. I may not smoke tonight actually as I am the designated driver and my friend doesn't smoke, so I don't think I will get the opportunity. This was all fine until half an hour ago when the sad dependence I have on alcohol and nicotine reared its excitable and ugly head and begged me to drink and smoke all evening. No! I shall be sensible and Good, I do not need alcohol to relax, I do not need nicotine, I do need supper, lots of water (?hmm what soft drinks do drivers drink? I hate fizz), warm conversation, and pie.
Am excited! Today has been a good day. I have to calm down or I will turn up like some excitable bounding labrador puppy slavering and rolling around everywhere. These people don't deserve that, they are civilised. (Unlike my usual friends. They positively encourage it.)
Have a good Friday all!
x J
Today has been a good day in many respects. I didn't get out and run around so that is a shame, but I will go tomorrow nae bother. Other than that though today:
*I finished Naomi Klein's tome. Wooo! Didn't need to read all of it so that was good.
*I learnt some language for TN. Well, some grammer basics and can now say 'hi! My name is Jayney.' Sad though it may be I am very excited about this and have already greeted DB enthusiastically on the occasions he dared to step foot out of his office to go to the loo.
* I had my Heb B jab with new nursey, and it was earlier than anticipated ('emergency' ECG at 3 apparently) so was all over by half two and had the rest of the avo to work. Also she was a bit saner and knew stuff about giving and receiving jabs. What crazy nursey had told me was wrong on too many counts. I am never seeing her again, no way. I should complain really but there is a part of me that feels sorry for her and that complaining would be mean. She would be all confused and feel bullied and would never get another job. Oh, the NHS how you tax me on so many levels.
* I had some LOVELY, heartwarming comments in response to my last post and my cockles are still warm, I thank you kindly for starting my weekend on such a fantastic note!
Am off for some grub later with PhD friends that I haven't seen for months and cannot wait to spraff on and on and on about PhD stuff. And their trip to Canada of course. Maybe I shall stuff a cigarette in my mouth for long enough for them to talk about their life-changing experience. And then talk PhD again. I just never, ever get to talk about it! I whine on at DB but he doesn't get it - neither do my friends really - so to talk to uni peeps who are going through it and understanding where they are with it practically and emotionally is going to be great, and I hope to bask in a bit of mutual admiration, thus: 'you work so HARD don't you?! Aren't you good. And clever.' 'No! no, YOU work so hard Jayney, and are so good and clever!' Ahhhh. so good and clever...
I don't actually smoke unless I have an alcoholic drink and hope to stop all nastiness in Oct when we go away. Too hot and not really seen as a ladylike thing to do really. I may not smoke tonight actually as I am the designated driver and my friend doesn't smoke, so I don't think I will get the opportunity. This was all fine until half an hour ago when the sad dependence I have on alcohol and nicotine reared its excitable and ugly head and begged me to drink and smoke all evening. No! I shall be sensible and Good, I do not need alcohol to relax, I do not need nicotine, I do need supper, lots of water (?hmm what soft drinks do drivers drink? I hate fizz), warm conversation, and pie.
Am excited! Today has been a good day. I have to calm down or I will turn up like some excitable bounding labrador puppy slavering and rolling around everywhere. These people don't deserve that, they are civilised. (Unlike my usual friends. They positively encourage it.)
Have a good Friday all!
x J
Uncertainty
A particular issue that seems to occur to everyone at some point if not continuously while completing a PhD is uncertainty. There is so much of this and it is really confidence sapping. Cognitive Behavioural Therapists would have a field day working on someone who is succumbing to thoughts regarding uncertainty; if you ignore them or change the thoughts to ones of certainty all will be well, otherwise... it makes you tired, irritable, demotivated, confused, miserable, even, eventually, depressed. It leaves you feeling unmoored. Being uncertain in a PhD for me includes questions such as thus:
- Why am I doing this course?
- Will this course even benefit me in the long-term?
- Am I rubbish or ok?
- I can't work today, does this mean I am rubbish or normal?
- I haven't worked properly for weeks. Does this mean I am rubbish or normal?
- Can I complete this PhD?
- Am I embarrassing myself even starting this?
- Can I write like an academic?
and so on and so forth. Very negative thoughts but unfortunately, for me anyway, unavoidable. I get them all the time - usually if I am in a rut with reading or have writer's block, or about to visit my Sup. The best way I sort this out, bizarrely, is by seeing my Sup who is just so supportive and seems to think I am always doing a-ok, or by seeing my uni friends (not normal friends, they don't seem to get it and think by virtue of being on the course I must be some scary super-brain. And they KNOW me for heaven's sake...). A big change I have found in doing a PhD is that I can't easily compare my progress/lack of with anyone and find this really irritating! I have found that as my life has increasingly been situated in an educational context so my expectations of myself have been easily met - by beating other people's grades. Nothing easier than getting a higher mark and then being able to relax knowing that you are doing just fine. This is not a negative competition with other people (apart from with some rather arrogant and sexist boys during my MA - I beat them btw) but rather a need to prove something continuously to myself. But get on a PhD, the highest, hardest educational accolade and you are on your own. All of a sudden I had no margin against which to compare my academic ability or general competence to do the job; the scene changes and so one's mindset has to as well - or just does with maturity and confidence (yes really, have faith!). Initially I found that instead of grades I was comparing milestones: who is teaching yet, who is doing fieldwork, who is being published, who is presenting at conferences, who is writing chapters, who has passed their transfer viva, and so on. I wasn't doing much - still haven't - and so got a miserable about how my friends were teaching or were presenting or were away on fieldwork. I think I am slowly getting round to the idea that I am doing things in my own time for my OWN reasons. E.g. I couldn't teach because I was abroad that semester but was offered two positions; I can't present because I hate it and have not much to say until after the f/wk; I want to publish and will get around to that soon etc, etc. Making peace with this and turning the competition to either myself or rendering it neutral (not be competitive?! crazy) is in itself a process for me of coming to terms with, or even overcoming altogether, uncertainty. The irony as well for me is that I also compare my composure and confidence with other people, I think 'Oh, I get so worried and uncertain, and see her?! She is fab. Always on top of it, never worried, because she is clever and I am a blagger'. When really, if they are confident it is probably because they aren't so competitive or in such a rush to do everything. Maybe we all get to this stage to complete, just some quicker than others? The actual competition is recognising there is no competition... Just get on and do it, who cares about the others.
I think I may have just confused myself.
Generally I like to think, and have read enough forum posts and spoken to enough PhDs out there to have a good idea, that we are all uncertain and that in some way the drive to create certainty is part of the fuel that motivates us to complete our PhD. In finding answers to research questions, recognising a working pattern that suits you best and not apologising for it constantly, understanding that there are 'morning' and 'night' people, recognising that some people work at home, some at uni, some teach early some later etc etc, it is possible to mature and not question so much, or have such a need to control everything perhaps. This is an invaluable life skill and maybe an essential part of getting a PhD.
But then again, who knows?!
x J
Friday 20 June
I am here! I was at my desk and organising at 9.35. Good 'un.
Yesterday I made my pie - it was such good fun! I cook all the time and enjoy it but it was really refreshing to cook something new and learn new stuff. Yesterday I learnt how to whip cream (and how to whip it too much - I couldn't spread it over the caramel!); that condensed milk turns into toffee when it is boiled forever; and how to make a biscuit base. And I learnt that you can buy tins of caramel. Brill! The pie looks ace even if I do say so myself, but I am concerned that I haven't put enough cream on the top - I didn't get enough so it is spread over but pretty thinly. Does this matter? I fear that the cream works to mitigate the super sickly sweetness of the rest of it and not having enough will render it unedible. We shall see. Maybe I shall take some extra whipped cream with me in case? Or will just leave it. Having never eaten it before I don't know. Anyway, I really enjoyed it and am now keen to give a dinner party... I want to move the kitchen table into the middle of the room (luckily they are skinny friends so shall be able to squeeze aroud it), have candles, funky music, lots of wine, and envisage placing a pile of steaming hot lovely food in the middle for picky, nibbly starters; then having a main course that was tricky and took me ages. That would be fun! A couple of weeks ago this would not have been fun. How strange. Maybe it's because I am turning thirty next year.
I also learnt some of my new language for TN last night! It looks really interesting. Very complicated but hopefully all wil become more clear. Today I am going to write out and listen to the alphabet and basic sounds. I am also going to read lots of Naomi Klein. Right. I will work until half one and then finish and go to the pool. Why did we arrange jabs for such a stupid time?! Basically means the afternoon is a washout and this is not convenient. I think I shall have to work for some hours tomorrow. Hmmph.
Best get on. Will no doubt clock in later (I am worryingly addicted).
x J
Ps. Speaking of addiction, I got over 80 points on a single scrabulous move yesterday. Oh yes. Read it and weep dear foe.
Yesterday I made my pie - it was such good fun! I cook all the time and enjoy it but it was really refreshing to cook something new and learn new stuff. Yesterday I learnt how to whip cream (and how to whip it too much - I couldn't spread it over the caramel!); that condensed milk turns into toffee when it is boiled forever; and how to make a biscuit base. And I learnt that you can buy tins of caramel. Brill! The pie looks ace even if I do say so myself, but I am concerned that I haven't put enough cream on the top - I didn't get enough so it is spread over but pretty thinly. Does this matter? I fear that the cream works to mitigate the super sickly sweetness of the rest of it and not having enough will render it unedible. We shall see. Maybe I shall take some extra whipped cream with me in case? Or will just leave it. Having never eaten it before I don't know. Anyway, I really enjoyed it and am now keen to give a dinner party... I want to move the kitchen table into the middle of the room (luckily they are skinny friends so shall be able to squeeze aroud it), have candles, funky music, lots of wine, and envisage placing a pile of steaming hot lovely food in the middle for picky, nibbly starters; then having a main course that was tricky and took me ages. That would be fun! A couple of weeks ago this would not have been fun. How strange. Maybe it's because I am turning thirty next year.
I also learnt some of my new language for TN last night! It looks really interesting. Very complicated but hopefully all wil become more clear. Today I am going to write out and listen to the alphabet and basic sounds. I am also going to read lots of Naomi Klein. Right. I will work until half one and then finish and go to the pool. Why did we arrange jabs for such a stupid time?! Basically means the afternoon is a washout and this is not convenient. I think I shall have to work for some hours tomorrow. Hmmph.
Best get on. Will no doubt clock in later (I am worryingly addicted).
x J
Ps. Speaking of addiction, I got over 80 points on a single scrabulous move yesterday. Oh yes. Read it and weep dear foe.
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Reporting in
Well, I didn't work as consistently until 6 as I had hoped but did focus toward the end and succeeded in finishing my last book, typed the review and ref into endnote (am a big fan of endnote now) and started on Klein's Shock Doctrine. So I achieved my target. I am still very much at the beginning but am fascinated by her interpretation and not a little concerned that this enormous tome is going to be my reading material for some time to come. This is a pain as I am meant to have finished my 'self-development' reading by Thursday... Isn't looking likely at this rate! I am learning lots though, and able to work out new arguments/justifications for the chapter I have just done and overall which is really exciting actually. I do love my work. Is just so hard to sit and get on with it. Today I reckon I did all of two hours work in total because I got going so late. But then again, it was good work and I know that I have internalised the information which the best thing. Why do hours have to matter SO much?!!
Have a Hep B jab tomorrow avo - NOT with Nurse R thank goodness, but at a different surgery with someone new that we hope to replace that crazy lady with (see previous blog entries for last month to catch-up if necessary!) That's at 3 and then we are out for dins with friends. Am warming up the oven to make my bannofi pie as we speak. I hope it works! So I have all day until then, but really would like to go to the gym. If I make it to work at 9.30 and travail until 12.30 then that's three hours good work. Just go to gym for half an hour and then be at work for hmmm... 2pm really. The I only have an hour and knowing me will spend that just trawling the internet. We shall see - if I feel stressed about working then I shall skip the gym. If I am fairly confident then I will go out. I could always make up some work hours on the weekend; it seems like it is going to be a very quiet one. DB is very focussed on his work at the moment which is good for our symbiotic work ethics!
I wonder how your days pan out? I would be very interested to hear other people's day or week plans and efforts. Do you make your targets all the time? Do you work all hours? Do you find it hard to get down to work?
Well, better get a-bakin'! Wish me luck!
x J
Have a Hep B jab tomorrow avo - NOT with Nurse R thank goodness, but at a different surgery with someone new that we hope to replace that crazy lady with (see previous blog entries for last month to catch-up if necessary!) That's at 3 and then we are out for dins with friends. Am warming up the oven to make my bannofi pie as we speak. I hope it works! So I have all day until then, but really would like to go to the gym. If I make it to work at 9.30 and travail until 12.30 then that's three hours good work. Just go to gym for half an hour and then be at work for hmmm... 2pm really. The I only have an hour and knowing me will spend that just trawling the internet. We shall see - if I feel stressed about working then I shall skip the gym. If I am fairly confident then I will go out. I could always make up some work hours on the weekend; it seems like it is going to be a very quiet one. DB is very focussed on his work at the moment which is good for our symbiotic work ethics!
I wonder how your days pan out? I would be very interested to hear other people's day or week plans and efforts. Do you make your targets all the time? Do you work all hours? Do you find it hard to get down to work?
Well, better get a-bakin'! Wish me luck!
x J
OK! onwards and upwards!
Ok I am now remotivating myself. I have been to the shop but not the gym, I have not got enough time today. So I shall work from now until half two, then I will go and quickly make some veggie soup. Then I shall work until at least 6 as planned (hopefully 7 but that seems a dauntingly long time away to me right now). This is better than the day of skiiving and uselessness I have had so far. I have to remind myself that being self-motivated and developing a strong work-ethic in the face of a lack of pressure is part of what doing a successful PhD is about. So I am going to get on with it.
Woo!
x J
Woo!
x J
Thursday 19 June 08
Hello again.
Well, last night I didn't fill in my passport application but I did manage to learn a bit about using endnote. I have missed the workshops at uni and my library kindly sent me a workbook which I had a look at last night. The only thing that saddens me is that I have my refs all nicely typed up so far, but now I need to write them ALLLLL into endnote. This is a weekend-in-front-of-the-tele job methinks. How very tedious! Oh well, it seems I will be grateful in the long term.
I turned on my laptop this morning and it went to a blank set-up screen instead of my log in page. I was terrified, my little heart was beating away in my chest. Went to the start-up menu and clicked 'swtich user' in the desperate hope that it was some kind of mistake, which thankfully it was. I have got my PhD file saved onto a memory stick but my favourites list isn't and also this computer remembers my academic passwords for me! That would be a pain indeed. Think DB must have borrowed it last night for some reason.
Today has been rubbish so far. I slept in late (alarm issues, not being lazy) and missed aerobics. This morning was funny actually because I went downstairs to get my laptop and DB was working on the sofa and he looks up at me and confesses that this morning he missed tennis. This is a running joke because he always 'misses' tennis because he, like me, is not a morning person and would rather sleep that run around at some ungodly hour of the day (i.e. before 11am). Except this morning I could join in and confess that I missed aerobics. Cynical looks from The Boy. I really did want to go. I have a problem though because I haven't done as much work as I wanted to yet this week, and also got up late this morning... I HATE getting up late. I like to be at my desk by 9.30, coffee in hand, and have some good work underway by 10.30. I think this part of the day is crucial as regards how the rest of the day will pan out. It also means that I have a good three hours at my desk done before I go to the gym and have lunch. Not today though, so I think today's plan will run thus:
I also need to think about earning some more money. I am totally skint at the moment and although DB earns a healthy wage I hate to rely on him. I think I may do some babysitting or dog walking or somthing. Might pop a card into the supermarket later...
I tell you, for no reason at all today I have woken up at odds with myself. Maybe I had some funny dreams...
RIGHT. Will work and be a Good Student, that'll cheer me up.
Bye!
x J
Well, last night I didn't fill in my passport application but I did manage to learn a bit about using endnote. I have missed the workshops at uni and my library kindly sent me a workbook which I had a look at last night. The only thing that saddens me is that I have my refs all nicely typed up so far, but now I need to write them ALLLLL into endnote. This is a weekend-in-front-of-the-tele job methinks. How very tedious! Oh well, it seems I will be grateful in the long term.
I turned on my laptop this morning and it went to a blank set-up screen instead of my log in page. I was terrified, my little heart was beating away in my chest. Went to the start-up menu and clicked 'swtich user' in the desperate hope that it was some kind of mistake, which thankfully it was. I have got my PhD file saved onto a memory stick but my favourites list isn't and also this computer remembers my academic passwords for me! That would be a pain indeed. Think DB must have borrowed it last night for some reason.
Today has been rubbish so far. I slept in late (alarm issues, not being lazy) and missed aerobics. This morning was funny actually because I went downstairs to get my laptop and DB was working on the sofa and he looks up at me and confesses that this morning he missed tennis. This is a running joke because he always 'misses' tennis because he, like me, is not a morning person and would rather sleep that run around at some ungodly hour of the day (i.e. before 11am). Except this morning I could join in and confess that I missed aerobics. Cynical looks from The Boy. I really did want to go. I have a problem though because I haven't done as much work as I wanted to yet this week, and also got up late this morning... I HATE getting up late. I like to be at my desk by 9.30, coffee in hand, and have some good work underway by 10.30. I think this part of the day is crucial as regards how the rest of the day will pan out. It also means that I have a good three hours at my desk done before I go to the gym and have lunch. Not today though, so I think today's plan will run thus:
- Work until 12.30 (2 hours). Go to the gym for a quick half an hour (better than not going at all) on the way to supermarket for general provisions and banoffi pie ingredients.
- Come back by 2, eat teeny lunch, work until at least 6.
I also need to think about earning some more money. I am totally skint at the moment and although DB earns a healthy wage I hate to rely on him. I think I may do some babysitting or dog walking or somthing. Might pop a card into the supermarket later...
I tell you, for no reason at all today I have woken up at odds with myself. Maybe I had some funny dreams...
RIGHT. Will work and be a Good Student, that'll cheer me up.
Bye!
x J
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Day over
I managed to work more on than off until 6... I am pleased with this considering. Read some really interesting info about capitalism and imperialism which has been very helpful, and so I am most happy! Decided to stop at 6 because I was daydreaming while turning pages. Not a good sign and too late in the day to be taking breaks and going back for more so I have run away to complete my passport application in front of the tele with a cup of tea.
Tomorrow, tomorrow. I have intentions of going to an aerobics class at ten, then returning to scoff a large amount of brunch and then working from 12-6. Otherwise I will get up and dawdle about as usual, go to the gym at lunchtime and return for more dawdling. I am very keen to finish this book as soon as possible. I would like to finish this one and have comforably eased into another by end of day tomorrow really. I find it so frustrating when you pick up a book you confidently know you shan't need to read much of, only to realise it is a key text and having to spend many unscheduled days reading the whole darned thing. I hate reading lots of a book as it feels like I am wasting time or daydreaming. On to the next one I say! Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism I think for me. I always think reading is the easy and fun bit, the conjuring up of ideas and lazy days spent inches away from a particularly challenging text. But really it is as much of a pain in the arse as the rest of it.
Well, no it isn't. But anyway.
Take care! Adieu!
x J
Tomorrow, tomorrow. I have intentions of going to an aerobics class at ten, then returning to scoff a large amount of brunch and then working from 12-6. Otherwise I will get up and dawdle about as usual, go to the gym at lunchtime and return for more dawdling. I am very keen to finish this book as soon as possible. I would like to finish this one and have comforably eased into another by end of day tomorrow really. I find it so frustrating when you pick up a book you confidently know you shan't need to read much of, only to realise it is a key text and having to spend many unscheduled days reading the whole darned thing. I hate reading lots of a book as it feels like I am wasting time or daydreaming. On to the next one I say! Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism I think for me. I always think reading is the easy and fun bit, the conjuring up of ideas and lazy days spent inches away from a particularly challenging text. But really it is as much of a pain in the arse as the rest of it.
Well, no it isn't. But anyway.
Take care! Adieu!
x J
It's so hard!
Hmm, today is not going too well. For some reason I seem to be in a very good mood and find it very hard to work when I am in such a mood. Generally, I just want to have fun chats with friends. This morning I got all fretful (wilfully distracted? who knows) about upcoming vaccination and passport expenses and spent some time trying to work out how I was going to afford it, plus social engagements (weddings, 30th birthday parties in London etc). Generally, with a bit of help from DB for a short interim period, managed to work this out. I hate being so in debt and am climbing out of it, but painfully, excruciatingly slowly. Then I was all of a fluster and so decided to go out swimming to clear my head and chill out a bit. Had a brilliant swim for 45 minutes, then came home and had some fried eggs and toast. And a tommie and a cuppa tea. Yum. While having lunch I played my scrabulous move and read the paper and had a brainwave. I shall leave my laptop downstairs while I am working, then when I am upstairs in my room I shan't be so distracted and will have to come all the way downstairs to get on t'internet. This actually turned out to be a fine plan and one I shall continue with. But then I got all distracted by my mobile, texts flying about everywhere. My little sis has been ill again so texting her is fine, (texting about preferred types of tea though?! Lame excuses) but not that much and also, why now? Why not later when I am watching Kirstie and Phil (property icons on British tele, love 'em) and a bit bored? Also, have decided to make a pudding for a dinner invitation I am off to on Friday night (part of my new sociable self). Normally I would die rather than make something for fear of getting it wrong but am a newly confident person who doesn't worry about such trivial things, and anyway it will probably be just fine. I was thinking of doing banoffi pie. I think this is very easy and a good place to start as it will be sufficient, sickly and seems quite fun to make. This for me is an odd thing to do - I cook every day but have never made a pudding. Well, I made a terrible cake which I ate a slice of then realised that just because I was making my own desserts this did not mean they were more healthy. So I didn't eat any more and it is still in the tin in the cupboard above the cooker. I kid you not when I confess that it has been there for over a year. I know I should move it but just can't. It's like that little scratch on your cupboard or the mildew around your bath: you know it is there, you know every time you see it it makes you annoyed and feel a bit ashamed for being so slovenly, but you also know you aren't going to do anything about it any time soon. Making Banoffi pie is also odd because I have a chronic and well-documented phobia of bananas. I don't touch them and if I have to open one then I do with gloves on and a knife, and I remove its disgusting inner ooze as if it is some form of entrails; in one piece, very, very carefully and holding it away from the body. But for some reason I have seen this banoffi pie on tele twice on a cookery show or two, and it holds complete allure for me. So I have to make it and eat it. I would say I am generally ok these days, last year I did have a banana in a shake with yoghurt, oatmeal and honey. And it was delicious. Just eating a banana in itself will not do it for me. Wish me luck.
Right, I am going to go back to work now. Procrastination over. I shall work until 5pm. Then maybe I will come back and report again. I told you I was feeling chatty...
x J
Right, I am going to go back to work now. Procrastination over. I shall work until 5pm. Then maybe I will come back and report again. I told you I was feeling chatty...
x J
Wednesday, 18th June 08
Hello there
Yes it looks like I have something profound to say judging by the official title but, as usual, of course I don't. Well, that is the point really or I would have a more jazzy, descriptive title. However, this post is about today, being today. Yesterday afternoon I have to confess that I did not meet my goals. Instead I faffed around on the internet until five and then sloped off to watch a recorded edition of the previous night's Big Brother. I know, I know, I am a Bad Person. Today though I have nothing to do but work so shall write this, faff for an hour or so then work on my 'self-development' reading until about 12.30, then go for a swim and have some lunch, then come back and work until 7ish.
I had an interesting chat yesterday that I forgot about until last night. While I was in the colour test the (older) researcher started up a bit of small talk (blah) about moi, asked about what I do and things. So I explained that I am doing a social science PhD in international politics, that I love it, am in the second year etc etc. Then she was kind of tittering and asying 'well, yes, but it is so difficult to get a job isn't it'. I concurred; indeed it is difficult to get a job. And then she said that she would have preferred to do another subject to the niche she has carved for herself but thought to herself that it would be pointless in the end and not get her a 'proper job'. To me we are having two conversations at this point: one where we are lamenting the lack of jobs in my field, or maybe social sciences in general; and another where she is putting her career choice above mine in terms of pragmatic common sense. As a natural opposite, my choice therefore falls into hedonisitic impracticality.
This attitude stinks in my world. I am not doing a PhD because I am relentlessly, blindly optimistic, while everyone around me sniggers behind their hands at the busy, futureless fool. I am not doing a PhD simply to earn more money after either. I didn't choose my PhD as a 'career choice' but because I get to do my own research project, with no bosses, travel the world and work at my own pace, in my own environment for four years. And be paid to do it. This, if I could find it in the paper, would be the most perfect job I could ever, ever want. So for me, I am settled for the first time, in a position that is almost certainly going to be rewarding in the immediate term (I get to do research and doodle about with theories and concepts and world issues), in the medium term (I get a doctorate) and in the long term in the many transferrable skills I am learning am developing: I can manage (and hopefully engage - I don't know, I sadly haven't yet had the opportunity) a classroom of young adults; I can initiate, build a framework for, manage, and carry out a four year research project; I can write and give good presentations, papers and hopefully, books; I can self-motivate; I can understand, consider and apply theoretical concepts to everyday praxis and so on and so forth. I am not going to come out with a PhD and a happy smile, then head off to the dole centre. Lord knows what I will do - but why should I pigeonhole myself now?! I have two/three years before I am off job-seeking anyway, and I think I will get jobs from schmoozing rather than advertisements. So there. And, and, - I wouldn't say this because it is a bit depressing - but I sincerely believe that you should follow your heart in work, and you will be rewarded. With natural passion and enthusiasm and happiness and comfort in your field, great things will grow. There are enough humdrum jobs out there that, if all fails, one can take up and earn money from - being out of work is not cool. But, try and follow your dreams and they may just come true. So that lady may feel smug and happy in her 'secure' position of employment, but hark back to wanting to do something else with a regretful sigh every so often. And she cancelled it out because she thought she knew the future. I would rather take the risk.
If torn between making a choice between security and insecurity, choose insecurity every time.
This is a quote from George Monbiot, a big environmentalist in Britian, who argues that 'security' - money, house, mortgage, waitrose shopping, private school etc etc - often creates increased insecurity in a person because they have more to lose and everything is based on earning more money. Having lots of money means you often spend more and embed yourself in a demanding capitalist mainstream. If you remain aloof from this mainstream, and don't place money at the top of your list but live for happiness and personal or familial reward, this will give one inner security. I like this argument. I want to earn money, but it is not what drives me. I don't have a thing for fancy cars, private schools, expensive clothes, posh gyms, fancy restaurants. I do have a bit of a thing for my future rambling cottage (now overpriced or being lived in once a year for two weeks by some banker's family from London), veggie garden, an outbuilding for my artistic (now in jeopardy as am colour-blind) tendencies, writing for a living, having too many children, rainbuckets for watering my wee garden, tatty old rugs and throws, second hand books, a dog, camping, friends and barbecues on the beach. And DB, I have quite a thing for him tank da laird.
This post was meant to be much shorter than this! Must get on and read about imperialism.
Will report back later!
x J
Yes it looks like I have something profound to say judging by the official title but, as usual, of course I don't. Well, that is the point really or I would have a more jazzy, descriptive title. However, this post is about today, being today. Yesterday afternoon I have to confess that I did not meet my goals. Instead I faffed around on the internet until five and then sloped off to watch a recorded edition of the previous night's Big Brother. I know, I know, I am a Bad Person. Today though I have nothing to do but work so shall write this, faff for an hour or so then work on my 'self-development' reading until about 12.30, then go for a swim and have some lunch, then come back and work until 7ish.
I had an interesting chat yesterday that I forgot about until last night. While I was in the colour test the (older) researcher started up a bit of small talk (blah) about moi, asked about what I do and things. So I explained that I am doing a social science PhD in international politics, that I love it, am in the second year etc etc. Then she was kind of tittering and asying 'well, yes, but it is so difficult to get a job isn't it'. I concurred; indeed it is difficult to get a job. And then she said that she would have preferred to do another subject to the niche she has carved for herself but thought to herself that it would be pointless in the end and not get her a 'proper job'. To me we are having two conversations at this point: one where we are lamenting the lack of jobs in my field, or maybe social sciences in general; and another where she is putting her career choice above mine in terms of pragmatic common sense. As a natural opposite, my choice therefore falls into hedonisitic impracticality.
This attitude stinks in my world. I am not doing a PhD because I am relentlessly, blindly optimistic, while everyone around me sniggers behind their hands at the busy, futureless fool. I am not doing a PhD simply to earn more money after either. I didn't choose my PhD as a 'career choice' but because I get to do my own research project, with no bosses, travel the world and work at my own pace, in my own environment for four years. And be paid to do it. This, if I could find it in the paper, would be the most perfect job I could ever, ever want. So for me, I am settled for the first time, in a position that is almost certainly going to be rewarding in the immediate term (I get to do research and doodle about with theories and concepts and world issues), in the medium term (I get a doctorate) and in the long term in the many transferrable skills I am learning am developing: I can manage (and hopefully engage - I don't know, I sadly haven't yet had the opportunity) a classroom of young adults; I can initiate, build a framework for, manage, and carry out a four year research project; I can write and give good presentations, papers and hopefully, books; I can self-motivate; I can understand, consider and apply theoretical concepts to everyday praxis and so on and so forth. I am not going to come out with a PhD and a happy smile, then head off to the dole centre. Lord knows what I will do - but why should I pigeonhole myself now?! I have two/three years before I am off job-seeking anyway, and I think I will get jobs from schmoozing rather than advertisements. So there. And, and, - I wouldn't say this because it is a bit depressing - but I sincerely believe that you should follow your heart in work, and you will be rewarded. With natural passion and enthusiasm and happiness and comfort in your field, great things will grow. There are enough humdrum jobs out there that, if all fails, one can take up and earn money from - being out of work is not cool. But, try and follow your dreams and they may just come true. So that lady may feel smug and happy in her 'secure' position of employment, but hark back to wanting to do something else with a regretful sigh every so often. And she cancelled it out because she thought she knew the future. I would rather take the risk.
If torn between making a choice between security and insecurity, choose insecurity every time.
This is a quote from George Monbiot, a big environmentalist in Britian, who argues that 'security' - money, house, mortgage, waitrose shopping, private school etc etc - often creates increased insecurity in a person because they have more to lose and everything is based on earning more money. Having lots of money means you often spend more and embed yourself in a demanding capitalist mainstream. If you remain aloof from this mainstream, and don't place money at the top of your list but live for happiness and personal or familial reward, this will give one inner security. I like this argument. I want to earn money, but it is not what drives me. I don't have a thing for fancy cars, private schools, expensive clothes, posh gyms, fancy restaurants. I do have a bit of a thing for my future rambling cottage (now overpriced or being lived in once a year for two weeks by some banker's family from London), veggie garden, an outbuilding for my artistic (now in jeopardy as am colour-blind) tendencies, writing for a living, having too many children, rainbuckets for watering my wee garden, tatty old rugs and throws, second hand books, a dog, camping, friends and barbecues on the beach. And DB, I have quite a thing for him tank da laird.
This post was meant to be much shorter than this! Must get on and read about imperialism.
Will report back later!
x J
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Colour vision curiosity
Well, I went into uni this morning to do this colour vision research test and have to say I was more than a little confident about it. Whizzed through the tests and 'passed' the first one so I could go on to the next. If I passed that one I could then come back another day and do lots more and earn a much-needed £36. But I failed the second part. Twice! How sad I was dear reader. Mostly because I hate failing at anything. DB came along too and did the tests after me and informed me that where I thought I had done the first test really well and got nearly highest marks, in fact I was really bad! And, yes you guessed, he was really good. Maybe he is lying. He failed the second test too; I could tell he was a bit blue about it. In fact he has asked if he can go back and have another go next week. Competitive or what?!! I can't believe I have such rubbish colour vision. I had to place these colours in order of hue from light to dark and thought I was a natural at it, but really wasn't apparently. And I like to paint! What on earth am I painting?! What if I think I have painted a lovely red abstract with a dashing streak of yellow and blue on it, when to everyone else it looks like sick?! Hmmm. DB did say my score was good average. But still, being the perfectionist that I am, having 'failed' I am now convinced I am practically blind. Well, anyway, I can go back to do another test for a psychology experiment next week and get mah sel' a tenner. Woot. Reject group it is.
Didn't go to the pub in the end yesterday. I drank a bottle of wine in the kitchen instead (with DB). Cheeky. Half a bottle is what The British Government are busy telling us is middle-class 'binge-drinking', so according to them I should have been sat in my own wee by the end of the night, crying and mumbling into my dribble-covered chest. Instead I cooked up a rather lovely fillet of salmon with a side dish of sauted leeks and mushrooms, and caper mash. How middle class is that?! While I was doing this I have to say that DB had found a dreg of very old weed, I mean very old and we don't even smoke the stuff so lord knows where it came from. Anyway, having run out of booze, in true binge-drinking addled style he tried to roll it up and have a wee smoke while I was cheffing away. At one point I turned on the second kitchen light to see better and turned to see his confused little head peering up at me from the table where he informed me that 'either I am just coming out of being really stoned or am starting to come up because it has just got really bright in here'. silly boy.
Well. Back to work. I have lots of lovely library books to read, hurray! I ought to turn off my computer and get to work on them. This will be a struggle. Maybe I should leave it on and write my notes up onto the computer? I wish, I wish I could do this. But I cannot absorb things that are on a computer screen. I am a very tangible person and need to write, re-write and highlight and star and scribble, on paper. This is how I internalise things and work ideas out, sadly. It is very long-winded.
Ooh! Also, I just have to mention that I am proud to announce that I am coming out of my horrible social drought. For a while all my uni friends were abroad, and whereas I didn't see them much before they went I am planning to see them muchos now. I have dinner dates for the next two Fridays and I am going to make sure I go. No getting shy and pulling out, No siree!
Must read (aka play scrabulous).
see ya laters!
x J
Didn't go to the pub in the end yesterday. I drank a bottle of wine in the kitchen instead (with DB). Cheeky. Half a bottle is what The British Government are busy telling us is middle-class 'binge-drinking', so according to them I should have been sat in my own wee by the end of the night, crying and mumbling into my dribble-covered chest. Instead I cooked up a rather lovely fillet of salmon with a side dish of sauted leeks and mushrooms, and caper mash. How middle class is that?! While I was doing this I have to say that DB had found a dreg of very old weed, I mean very old and we don't even smoke the stuff so lord knows where it came from. Anyway, having run out of booze, in true binge-drinking addled style he tried to roll it up and have a wee smoke while I was cheffing away. At one point I turned on the second kitchen light to see better and turned to see his confused little head peering up at me from the table where he informed me that 'either I am just coming out of being really stoned or am starting to come up because it has just got really bright in here'. silly boy.
Well. Back to work. I have lots of lovely library books to read, hurray! I ought to turn off my computer and get to work on them. This will be a struggle. Maybe I should leave it on and write my notes up onto the computer? I wish, I wish I could do this. But I cannot absorb things that are on a computer screen. I am a very tangible person and need to write, re-write and highlight and star and scribble, on paper. This is how I internalise things and work ideas out, sadly. It is very long-winded.
Ooh! Also, I just have to mention that I am proud to announce that I am coming out of my horrible social drought. For a while all my uni friends were abroad, and whereas I didn't see them much before they went I am planning to see them muchos now. I have dinner dates for the next two Fridays and I am going to make sure I go. No getting shy and pulling out, No siree!
Must read (aka play scrabulous).
see ya laters!
x J
Monday, 16 June 2008
End of Day Report
Well today has been a success I am glad to say!! I spent this morning working out a timetable until september, including when to schedule jabs, passport applications, visas and ticket buying. I emailed a couple of people about visas, flights and funding and worked out the exact dates I wish to be away for. This is exciting. I worked out a rough language-learning timetable too. Then went to the gym at lunchtime (yay!) which was horrible and spent this afternoon working out a more detailed timetable relating to the next six weeks. Found out that my reading for chapter four is actually not to do with that chapter specifically but more a catch-up on macro-political issues, so I have given the next week for this and termed it my 'self development' reading. Then I shall start chapter four analysis proper a week on Thursday. Then I started to daydream at around 5 I am afraid. So in all I worked from 10.30 (not including prior blog time which was kind of working because I wrote my to-do list) until 5.30. With a 1.5 hour lunch/gym break. So in total 5 and a half hours of continuous working... which, I think for a first day back and a Monday and all that, is not bad.
Tomorrow I am going in for an eye test for someone's research project at 10am, then to the library to pick up all my lovely new books. I love getting books out and coming back with them and too often count that as a day's work well done. It just feels all organised and lovely.
DB mentioned going to the pub earlier and I am feeling rather swayed. The sun is shining outside (although accompanied by a stiff breeze which may seriously hamper outdoorsy boozy frolicks) but really I should stay in and cook some healthy dins and watch some teevee like a good girlie. But then again, tomorrow am I am going to be busy out-and-about so any cobwebs will be brushed off, I am not beholden to a terrifyingly imminent deadline and, well, I fancy a pint and a chat.
What to do?!
x J
Tomorrow I am going in for an eye test for someone's research project at 10am, then to the library to pick up all my lovely new books. I love getting books out and coming back with them and too often count that as a day's work well done. It just feels all organised and lovely.
DB mentioned going to the pub earlier and I am feeling rather swayed. The sun is shining outside (although accompanied by a stiff breeze which may seriously hamper outdoorsy boozy frolicks) but really I should stay in and cook some healthy dins and watch some teevee like a good girlie. But then again, tomorrow am I am going to be busy out-and-about so any cobwebs will be brushed off, I am not beholden to a terrifyingly imminent deadline and, well, I fancy a pint and a chat.
What to do?!
x J
Right then!
Righty. Today is Monday, first day back at work since my transfer meeting on 27 May... I got to my desk at around 9.40, which I think is commendable considering I spent most of the holiday geting up at half ten. I have a cup of coffee made by DB and have checked my emails. Well, I checked my work emails on Saturday (addiction, couldn't leave it until today) so just rechecked to no avail. Now I need a plan for today. Today is going to be a slow day, no real demands, more about organising and getting used to sitting at my desk again. It is sunny outside today, which is cockle-warming and I have radio one on. Maybe this won't be so bad...
Today I need to:
1) Write out a list of all the things I need to achieve before going to TN in September. This is...
- set out a timetable to learn the language
- get an up to date guidebook for enthusing about tourist possibilities.
- work out cultural stuff and sort out a preliminary wardrobe (will need practical things like walking shoes and proper sandals etc am sure.)
- work out when going to have a camping break to look forward to (very important)
- Research and write chapter four - NB this is a good draft, not the finished article so just write it; minimise faffing. This needs to be done by... mid July.
- Research and write methodology and theoretical direction. A lot of this is done, but does need to be done carefully because, obviously, this is the template of what to do in TN. This needs to be done by End of September, by which time it will be time to pack.
- Finalise dates going.
- Get a VISA! Oops.
- Get a passport! Double oops.
- Sort out possible ticket prices and email uni to see when I can get hold of any funds to cover this, or whether I have to pay and be reimbursed in October (ouch).
- try not to worry too much or be too scared of going away!
2) Look up books need for tomorrow's trip into uni. Maybe get some Foucault too to brush up analytical skills? This should be cool as contributes to methodology chapter as well.
3) Read through Chapter four have got so far and notes.
I am being a bit silly about going on f/wk (still no proper word for it) and don't know why. I love going abroad and it's not even like I am going on my own! I think maybe it's because I have never had any intention to go where I am researching and so the spark of excitiment isn't there. In fact, I am pretty scared of where I am going; it seems to be the opposite of what I am used to. However, I have only heard good things, it is beautiful, it will be warm and the volunteering should be cool. I did some in C. America for a week and loved it. I was really surprised because I have volunteered in England before but am really too selfish to do it in the worthy, caring way others do; I did it to sort out my CV to get on my MA course... But when I was in C. America it didn't feel at all worthy, just felt like a job. The people running the organisation were really relaxed as well so you didn't feel that you needed to be The Best with minimal (no) experience. I was so worried about walking into a classroom of kids that didn't speak English, and trying to manage them with my minimal Spanish, but actually was placed as an assistant with a fluent spanish speaker. And? The kids were AWFUL! They were sooooooo naughty, even at one stage singing a song at La Maestra when she was trying to teach them colours, but rather than being scared of them I loved it! They had so much energy and it was such a challenge but actually, I never realised how much authority you have simply because of your age. By the end I felt the kids under my control were keen to get my attention and having to behave to get get it which was a huge buzz. I have to keep remembering this when I envisage the three months of teaching that I have signed myself up for in TN... I have a feeling as well that in TN I will have more responsibility than I have had in previous paid jobs. I love responsibility but am naturally lazy so don't necessarily seek it. As I approach 30 though, nearing having a family and, hopefully a PhD, I do want to be more responsible and 'grown-up'... We shall see.
Right! better get on with the day's work!
x J
Today I need to:
1) Write out a list of all the things I need to achieve before going to TN in September. This is...
- set out a timetable to learn the language
- get an up to date guidebook for enthusing about tourist possibilities.
- work out cultural stuff and sort out a preliminary wardrobe (will need practical things like walking shoes and proper sandals etc am sure.)
- work out when going to have a camping break to look forward to (very important)
- Research and write chapter four - NB this is a good draft, not the finished article so just write it; minimise faffing. This needs to be done by... mid July.
- Research and write methodology and theoretical direction. A lot of this is done, but does need to be done carefully because, obviously, this is the template of what to do in TN. This needs to be done by End of September, by which time it will be time to pack.
- Finalise dates going.
- Get a VISA! Oops.
- Get a passport! Double oops.
- Sort out possible ticket prices and email uni to see when I can get hold of any funds to cover this, or whether I have to pay and be reimbursed in October (ouch).
- try not to worry too much or be too scared of going away!
2) Look up books need for tomorrow's trip into uni. Maybe get some Foucault too to brush up analytical skills? This should be cool as contributes to methodology chapter as well.
3) Read through Chapter four have got so far and notes.
I am being a bit silly about going on f/wk (still no proper word for it) and don't know why. I love going abroad and it's not even like I am going on my own! I think maybe it's because I have never had any intention to go where I am researching and so the spark of excitiment isn't there. In fact, I am pretty scared of where I am going; it seems to be the opposite of what I am used to. However, I have only heard good things, it is beautiful, it will be warm and the volunteering should be cool. I did some in C. America for a week and loved it. I was really surprised because I have volunteered in England before but am really too selfish to do it in the worthy, caring way others do; I did it to sort out my CV to get on my MA course... But when I was in C. America it didn't feel at all worthy, just felt like a job. The people running the organisation were really relaxed as well so you didn't feel that you needed to be The Best with minimal (no) experience. I was so worried about walking into a classroom of kids that didn't speak English, and trying to manage them with my minimal Spanish, but actually was placed as an assistant with a fluent spanish speaker. And? The kids were AWFUL! They were sooooooo naughty, even at one stage singing a song at La Maestra when she was trying to teach them colours, but rather than being scared of them I loved it! They had so much energy and it was such a challenge but actually, I never realised how much authority you have simply because of your age. By the end I felt the kids under my control were keen to get my attention and having to behave to get get it which was a huge buzz. I have to keep remembering this when I envisage the three months of teaching that I have signed myself up for in TN... I have a feeling as well that in TN I will have more responsibility than I have had in previous paid jobs. I love responsibility but am naturally lazy so don't necessarily seek it. As I approach 30 though, nearing having a family and, hopefully a PhD, I do want to be more responsible and 'grown-up'... We shall see.
Right! better get on with the day's work!
x J
Sunday, 15 June 2008
PhD Tedium
Isn't doing a PhD tedious. I really think this is the best way to sum up the experience. It is hard, bloo*y tedium. I find it tedious in the way I think about it all the time, in the way that certain themes of the research will be on my mind and re-visited for the next two years when I am already sick of them. I find the need for incessant motivation tedious. I find returning to my desk after some time off to work again on the same project, tedious. I find the daunting, intimidating enormity of the task as a whole tedious. Even having to remotivate and get through the tedium is tedious. The only part that isn't tedious is when you complete a chapter, or have an epiphany, or get good feedback from supervisors, or (I guess) have a paper accepted. Then, then, it is brilliant: the best thing in the world! I think one can compare working on a PhD to childbirth in the way the euphoric haze created in the unadulterated delight of achievement makes you forget the pain and horror that was the making of it, so you are more than happy to go back and do more...
Saturday, 14 June 2008
Feeling estranged from PhD...
It's so odd but just now I started seriously considering my PhD topic again having had the best part of two weeks off, and instead of feeling all full of verve, I got all scared! I have done really well at putting the PhD to the back of my mind for a well-earned break and now I am so worried I can't remember what it is all about!! I am worried that I will sit down on Monday and not know what to do any more. Or, even worse, will be just really bored by it and have no motivation. Or, I will go through old notes and think they are rubbish and have a huge mountain to climb again. That's the thing with this work, you work hard and reach a peak and then hurray hurray! This PhD is grrrreat! And then afterwards there is the next darned huge trough of thinking to do, and planning, and re-orientation... and then the next mountain - another chapter, reading, organising etc. Arg! I just have to tell myself over the rest of the weekend that come Monday I will get out my notes and stuff will become clearer again. Not to worry to much. (I am a big worrier...). I suppose it is good because I am starting to think like a worker again, not a holiday creature. And am starting to take it seriously and get The Fear (my primary motivation).
Hmmm. How on this EARTH will I ever complete?
x J
Hmmm. How on this EARTH will I ever complete?
x J
Friday, 13 June 2008
Tonight with Trevor Macdonald...
Ok, ok so it's Friday night and I am in watching rubbish tele on my todd. Isn't this what PhD life is too often about?! Having got that out of the way, oh my WORD I seem to have stumbled upon 'Tonight', a (twice?) weekly programme of ostensibly sound journalistic credentials (hosted by an famous ex-news anchor) which is about - get this - Jonathan Maitland, a man of around 50, with a camcorder, at home with his wife, trying out-of-date food to see if it makes him ill... Yes, you read it right. Surely this used to be called jackass?! What is the world coming to. And people watch this pointless rubbish and slag off Big Brother. At least BB is open about its trashy, pointless content.
Any Friday the 13th stories anyone?! We weren't allowed to travel back from Spain today because DB is scared of Friday the 13th... Fair enough - the flight prices showed this is still widespread. Whatever though, yesterday when we flew back the plane we were on started making this juddering noise, like it was starting to stall. I am not the best flyer and got this evil feeling of dread through my whole body. My hands shook, my breath got shorter and I was cold. I was imagining falling out of the sky, how long I would have (too long) to compute what was happening and to say goodbye to DB. I was terrified. Juddering away it was. Then it went away, nothing else happened and I tried to calm down. The air hostess lets us know we are going to land soon and explained that if we hear this noise again not to worry, it's the type of engine that particular jet has. I was like, WHAT?! You say what lady?! I envisage a situation thus: there I am, engineer extraordinaire, designing and making a jet engine for commercial use by mostly hearing-able human beings. It is a lovely design and works except it does seem to make a bit of a juddering noise, even shaking a little bit with resonance at a particular speed. Well when it's slowing down actually. 'Oh well', I think! No worries! Jet2 come along and try out the engine. 'Well', they say, 'if you are a customer on a plane, what would be your primary fear?' 'Hmmmmmmm...' they say, 'Not the juddering noise or the shaking' mailto:?!$@*^
In conclusion to 'tonight', Jonathon is quite fit and probably able to eat food that is out of date more than other, more vulnerable people can: i.e. children, the elderly and pregnant ladies (why is it always 'ladies'? Why not pregnant men? haha.) So basically, don't risk it. Right on! Yeah! Go British Journalism!
Next week: a man is gambling with his OWN money (emphasis in original) to see if he can win on the property developing game (we are in a property crisis to match the food crisis and credit crunch. Take to your bunkers everyone! Leave the out-of-date tins though...) According to the clip, he struggles. What next? 'This man, (insert journalist name here), takes his own dog and camcorder to dog-talking school' Quote from advert, 'journalist' looking straight at camera, serious voice: 'It doesn't seem to be working. He has yet to speak.'
x J
Any Friday the 13th stories anyone?! We weren't allowed to travel back from Spain today because DB is scared of Friday the 13th... Fair enough - the flight prices showed this is still widespread. Whatever though, yesterday when we flew back the plane we were on started making this juddering noise, like it was starting to stall. I am not the best flyer and got this evil feeling of dread through my whole body. My hands shook, my breath got shorter and I was cold. I was imagining falling out of the sky, how long I would have (too long) to compute what was happening and to say goodbye to DB. I was terrified. Juddering away it was. Then it went away, nothing else happened and I tried to calm down. The air hostess lets us know we are going to land soon and explained that if we hear this noise again not to worry, it's the type of engine that particular jet has. I was like, WHAT?! You say what lady?! I envisage a situation thus: there I am, engineer extraordinaire, designing and making a jet engine for commercial use by mostly hearing-able human beings. It is a lovely design and works except it does seem to make a bit of a juddering noise, even shaking a little bit with resonance at a particular speed. Well when it's slowing down actually. 'Oh well', I think! No worries! Jet2 come along and try out the engine. 'Well', they say, 'if you are a customer on a plane, what would be your primary fear?' 'Hmmmmmmm...' they say, 'Not the juddering noise or the shaking' mailto:?!$@*^
In conclusion to 'tonight', Jonathon is quite fit and probably able to eat food that is out of date more than other, more vulnerable people can: i.e. children, the elderly and pregnant ladies (why is it always 'ladies'? Why not pregnant men? haha.) So basically, don't risk it. Right on! Yeah! Go British Journalism!
Next week: a man is gambling with his OWN money (emphasis in original) to see if he can win on the property developing game (we are in a property crisis to match the food crisis and credit crunch. Take to your bunkers everyone! Leave the out-of-date tins though...) According to the clip, he struggles. What next? 'This man, (insert journalist name here), takes his own dog and camcorder to dog-talking school' Quote from advert, 'journalist' looking straight at camera, serious voice: 'It doesn't seem to be working. He has yet to speak.'
x J
Fear and Loathing in Andalucia
Hello, hello! I am back from my travels; pointlessly brown, rested, re-stressed and, yes, I have already panic-bought some petrol. Although really this last task was a very sedate affair. I fancied a bit of panic but no, we queued politely, bought some petrol, paid and drove off. Well, DB did, I bought chocolate. That was a panic. A fury of girl, running with a fiver toward the chocolate counter is not to be sniffed at.
The holiday was just fantastic. Lots of barbecueing, swimming, some beach time, walking and drinking of gin and tonic (to ward off the mossys of course). What is the reference of 'fear and loathing' then one may ask? Short answer: The Family. I generally get on very well with mine but that is probably mostly because I am the older sister and always get my way so am apparently oblivious to simmering malcontent. Until yesterday. I was put firmly in my place and in no way was accepting that, so needed to retort and nearly had passive-aggressive WW3 in the plane on the way home. We were practically making continuous snarling noises but unable to completely explode. I was quite upset; I am not one for confrontation and generally avoid it but this was fairly unavoidable. Anyway, shan't say more but today I am a wee bit shaken and confused dear reader. And sleepy as always. Catching up with the week's tele... Big Brother mostly... yes, yes I am that highbrow.
And the PhD... I had a letter from my Sup regarding the transfer meeting and my progress was labelled as excellent! woooooo! Am chuffed to bits. I am taking this weekend off to get over the jollyday blues then on Monday I am going to start work again. Get out all the notes for chapter four (my next chapter) and work out my preliminary reading list. On Tues I am going into uni to do an eye test for someone's research (£36 for the priviledge, yay!) and so will go to the library and get me books at the same time... If they chuffing have any. Then I shall do some kind of plan. I need to get this chapter draft down by the middle of July, then need to work out my methodology for the f/wk! Arg, time is going to go way too fast. Before I go away at the end of Sept I need to have two more chapter drafts down. Then when I come back I will be off and away.
I am interested to know: does anyone else find that when people ask what you do they are mostly terribly underwhelmed?! I mean, I don't expect any fanfare of excitement or owt, but I was asked a couple of times by my ma's friends 'what I do' so I generally say I am at uni, then if they ask again then say a PhD in bla bla bla. And they are all politely interested and then ask the killer question 'so, what will you do with that then?'. AHHHHHRG!! This course is four years long! Longer than many jobs my friends have had. I am funded too, I am a worker! THIS is what I do!! I am a researcher! Why is it all so about The End?! Bah. I know they think I am a glorified spongeing student. Well I am not. So there.
Sulk over.
Oh, also, I killed everyone who dared challenge me at scrabble - on a real board and everything. Better get on facebook and check my scrabulous games... Back to the real world eh?!
x J
The holiday was just fantastic. Lots of barbecueing, swimming, some beach time, walking and drinking of gin and tonic (to ward off the mossys of course). What is the reference of 'fear and loathing' then one may ask? Short answer: The Family. I generally get on very well with mine but that is probably mostly because I am the older sister and always get my way so am apparently oblivious to simmering malcontent. Until yesterday. I was put firmly in my place and in no way was accepting that, so needed to retort and nearly had passive-aggressive WW3 in the plane on the way home. We were practically making continuous snarling noises but unable to completely explode. I was quite upset; I am not one for confrontation and generally avoid it but this was fairly unavoidable. Anyway, shan't say more but today I am a wee bit shaken and confused dear reader. And sleepy as always. Catching up with the week's tele... Big Brother mostly... yes, yes I am that highbrow.
And the PhD... I had a letter from my Sup regarding the transfer meeting and my progress was labelled as excellent! woooooo! Am chuffed to bits. I am taking this weekend off to get over the jollyday blues then on Monday I am going to start work again. Get out all the notes for chapter four (my next chapter) and work out my preliminary reading list. On Tues I am going into uni to do an eye test for someone's research (£36 for the priviledge, yay!) and so will go to the library and get me books at the same time... If they chuffing have any. Then I shall do some kind of plan. I need to get this chapter draft down by the middle of July, then need to work out my methodology for the f/wk! Arg, time is going to go way too fast. Before I go away at the end of Sept I need to have two more chapter drafts down. Then when I come back I will be off and away.
I am interested to know: does anyone else find that when people ask what you do they are mostly terribly underwhelmed?! I mean, I don't expect any fanfare of excitement or owt, but I was asked a couple of times by my ma's friends 'what I do' so I generally say I am at uni, then if they ask again then say a PhD in bla bla bla. And they are all politely interested and then ask the killer question 'so, what will you do with that then?'. AHHHHHRG!! This course is four years long! Longer than many jobs my friends have had. I am funded too, I am a worker! THIS is what I do!! I am a researcher! Why is it all so about The End?! Bah. I know they think I am a glorified spongeing student. Well I am not. So there.
Sulk over.
Oh, also, I killed everyone who dared challenge me at scrabble - on a real board and everything. Better get on facebook and check my scrabulous games... Back to the real world eh?!
x J
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
Rainin' rainin'
Lots of rain outside. Lots of rain. Luckily for me I am bug*ering off to spain tomorrow. Huzzahs! Big hugs to those of you left in the UK...
Nurse R was a nightmare again yesterday. We were in there for about twenty minutes and I came out like a raging bull. She is such a fool. She makes a normal conversation about vaccinations into a test of our true commitment to travel. She creates havoc and confusion and thrives off it. I went in with a list from netdoctor of what jabs I need. Also from lonely planet. And I booked really early to understand the ins and outs and organise dates and suchlike - we are moving to another country after all, the jabs need to fit in around house moving and work and everything. And she is all like, 'well, you know that the rabies vaccine is £120.' I say I do. 'And you know that you will have to pay £10 to have the injection'. Righty then. 'Oh. And you have to have Japanese Encephalitus B, that is expensive too.' YES woman! I know! I am going to deepest darkest exoticland, I need jabs! Lots of expensive, time consuming jabs! And then she tells me that I should really come closer to the time, but not in a friendly, 'Ok! let see you closer to the time, go and make the necessary appts', no. She is telling me off for being organised, and last time I saw her she told me off for not seeing her a few months in advance. I really cannot stand her. And it turned out that by-the-by I need to see the doc to get the prescription for two of the jabs, then go to the chemist and buy them (order them?) and then come back and see her to get the actual jabs. So this is a lengthy process and I think it has been useful to go in early to know this or it would be a very confusing rush and getting docs appts is not easy. But no, she just sort of slips it in like I should already know, peering over her glasses like, 'well?! Didn't you know?! Stupid, stupid girl.' We are not having her again she drives me insane with her stupidity and confusion - and why is she seemingly trying to put me off?!! Like I will go, well, ok Nursey that jab is expensive, I shan't have it. In fact I shall never travel again, isn't it a nightmare?!
Bah.
I am very curious about why Robert Mugabe has been invited to a UN world food summit. This is insane! He has turned the 'breadbasket of Africa' into a land of famine, conflict and disease. Oh, the playful madness of the UN.
I worked yesterday! For a whole hour. Needed to go through the comments from the transfer meet about this chapter and tidy it all up. Now i have filed it away... And shan't look at it again until next year when back from f/wk. Nuts! It is so close to my heart. I hope I don't look at it in a year and think it is a load of nonsense. Am off tomorrow so when I come back I will start chapter four, my next chapter. Posting will change then to be more PhD-inclined I expect. I quite like rabbiting as well as writing PhD stuff though because for me this is more of a diary, and my day consists of PhDness and nonsense (same thing?!), so why not write it together?
My sis is coming up later - she is coming to spain with me and DB. She has been terribly ill so seeing her is a total joy and I continously resolve to never take her for granted. I say continuously because she is my little sister and gets right on my wotsits, so, as usual, we will probably be happily bickering away by late afternoon. We are going to stay with my ma, she lives in the mountains in the South of Spanishland and speaks Spanish and hangs out with locals rather than sticking with expats in expatspanishland. Am so proud. Where she lives is very secluded and peaceful, lots of walks and mountain cafes. I need that, I need clear air and space and sun. Time away from the news. And a pool. I love swimming. Speaking of which I should go to the local pool later but cannae be arsed. I will regret it I know... And also, the silly thinkg is that I know that if I go I will really enjoy myself! And afterwards be so proud of my commitment to exercise and health! All it takes is that first step out of the door and then I wouldn't look back. OR I can stay here, read the paper and daydream about tomorrow... Cook some eggsies for brunch... pack (again. I started packing a week ago. Am super-organised). Maybe I shall have a word with DB about organising himself to go away. Such a wifey thing to do! I hate it actually. I will be packing for him soon. Ug, I am not doing a PhD to pack my boyfriend's case, however darling he is. Actually, for our trip to C. America we nearly missed the train to London because he was working until the nth minute. We had ten minutes to go and he hadn't packed a single item. A single thing! I was stressed to the eyeballs and wacked some clothes in a backpack for him and ran to the train station without him, I was going even if he wasn't. And then later he had the gall to complain about the clothes I had packed for him!! Wow, that was a near-divorce moment. We always argue like mad when we are going away because I am super organised as I said, and he is always late. Late for everything. Only because he works alllllll the time though and doesn't have time. Still, stresses me out though.
Ug the radio has gone funny. The bird singing sounds like she has loads of phlegm in her throat. Nice.
Well, I am off!! I shall probably post some nonsense later or tomorrow, but if sis and I are talking to each other will probably hang out with her and try and leave this blog alone! So dear reader I shall be away until the 13th whereupon I hope to return with a sunny disposition and clear mind...
x J
Nurse R was a nightmare again yesterday. We were in there for about twenty minutes and I came out like a raging bull. She is such a fool. She makes a normal conversation about vaccinations into a test of our true commitment to travel. She creates havoc and confusion and thrives off it. I went in with a list from netdoctor of what jabs I need. Also from lonely planet. And I booked really early to understand the ins and outs and organise dates and suchlike - we are moving to another country after all, the jabs need to fit in around house moving and work and everything. And she is all like, 'well, you know that the rabies vaccine is £120.' I say I do. 'And you know that you will have to pay £10 to have the injection'. Righty then. 'Oh. And you have to have Japanese Encephalitus B, that is expensive too.' YES woman! I know! I am going to deepest darkest exoticland, I need jabs! Lots of expensive, time consuming jabs! And then she tells me that I should really come closer to the time, but not in a friendly, 'Ok! let see you closer to the time, go and make the necessary appts', no. She is telling me off for being organised, and last time I saw her she told me off for not seeing her a few months in advance. I really cannot stand her. And it turned out that by-the-by I need to see the doc to get the prescription for two of the jabs, then go to the chemist and buy them (order them?) and then come back and see her to get the actual jabs. So this is a lengthy process and I think it has been useful to go in early to know this or it would be a very confusing rush and getting docs appts is not easy. But no, she just sort of slips it in like I should already know, peering over her glasses like, 'well?! Didn't you know?! Stupid, stupid girl.' We are not having her again she drives me insane with her stupidity and confusion - and why is she seemingly trying to put me off?!! Like I will go, well, ok Nursey that jab is expensive, I shan't have it. In fact I shall never travel again, isn't it a nightmare?!
Bah.
I am very curious about why Robert Mugabe has been invited to a UN world food summit. This is insane! He has turned the 'breadbasket of Africa' into a land of famine, conflict and disease. Oh, the playful madness of the UN.
I worked yesterday! For a whole hour. Needed to go through the comments from the transfer meet about this chapter and tidy it all up. Now i have filed it away... And shan't look at it again until next year when back from f/wk. Nuts! It is so close to my heart. I hope I don't look at it in a year and think it is a load of nonsense. Am off tomorrow so when I come back I will start chapter four, my next chapter. Posting will change then to be more PhD-inclined I expect. I quite like rabbiting as well as writing PhD stuff though because for me this is more of a diary, and my day consists of PhDness and nonsense (same thing?!), so why not write it together?
My sis is coming up later - she is coming to spain with me and DB. She has been terribly ill so seeing her is a total joy and I continously resolve to never take her for granted. I say continuously because she is my little sister and gets right on my wotsits, so, as usual, we will probably be happily bickering away by late afternoon. We are going to stay with my ma, she lives in the mountains in the South of Spanishland and speaks Spanish and hangs out with locals rather than sticking with expats in expatspanishland. Am so proud. Where she lives is very secluded and peaceful, lots of walks and mountain cafes. I need that, I need clear air and space and sun. Time away from the news. And a pool. I love swimming. Speaking of which I should go to the local pool later but cannae be arsed. I will regret it I know... And also, the silly thinkg is that I know that if I go I will really enjoy myself! And afterwards be so proud of my commitment to exercise and health! All it takes is that first step out of the door and then I wouldn't look back. OR I can stay here, read the paper and daydream about tomorrow... Cook some eggsies for brunch... pack (again. I started packing a week ago. Am super-organised). Maybe I shall have a word with DB about organising himself to go away. Such a wifey thing to do! I hate it actually. I will be packing for him soon. Ug, I am not doing a PhD to pack my boyfriend's case, however darling he is. Actually, for our trip to C. America we nearly missed the train to London because he was working until the nth minute. We had ten minutes to go and he hadn't packed a single item. A single thing! I was stressed to the eyeballs and wacked some clothes in a backpack for him and ran to the train station without him, I was going even if he wasn't. And then later he had the gall to complain about the clothes I had packed for him!! Wow, that was a near-divorce moment. We always argue like mad when we are going away because I am super organised as I said, and he is always late. Late for everything. Only because he works alllllll the time though and doesn't have time. Still, stresses me out though.
Ug the radio has gone funny. The bird singing sounds like she has loads of phlegm in her throat. Nice.
Well, I am off!! I shall probably post some nonsense later or tomorrow, but if sis and I are talking to each other will probably hang out with her and try and leave this blog alone! So dear reader I shall be away until the 13th whereupon I hope to return with a sunny disposition and clear mind...
x J
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