Wednesday, 18th June 08

Hello there

Yes it looks like I have something profound to say judging by the official title but, as usual, of course I don't. Well, that is the point really or I would have a more jazzy, descriptive title. However, this post is about today, being today. Yesterday afternoon I have to confess that I did not meet my goals. Instead I faffed around on the internet until five and then sloped off to watch a recorded edition of the previous night's Big Brother. I know, I know, I am a Bad Person. Today though I have nothing to do but work so shall write this, faff for an hour or so then work on my 'self-development' reading until about 12.30, then go for a swim and have some lunch, then come back and work until 7ish.

I had an interesting chat yesterday that I forgot about until last night. While I was in the colour test the (older) researcher started up a bit of small talk (blah) about moi, asked about what I do and things. So I explained that I am doing a social science PhD in international politics, that I love it, am in the second year etc etc. Then she was kind of tittering and asying 'well, yes, but it is so difficult to get a job isn't it'. I concurred; indeed it is difficult to get a job. And then she said that she would have preferred to do another subject to the niche she has carved for herself but thought to herself that it would be pointless in the end and not get her a 'proper job'. To me we are having two conversations at this point: one where we are lamenting the lack of jobs in my field, or maybe social sciences in general; and another where she is putting her career choice above mine in terms of pragmatic common sense. As a natural opposite, my choice therefore falls into hedonisitic impracticality.

This attitude stinks in my world. I am not doing a PhD because I am relentlessly, blindly optimistic, while everyone around me sniggers behind their hands at the busy, futureless fool. I am not doing a PhD simply to earn more money after either. I didn't choose my PhD as a 'career choice' but because I get to do my own research project, with no bosses, travel the world and work at my own pace, in my own environment for four years. And be paid to do it. This, if I could find it in the paper, would be the most perfect job I could ever, ever want. So for me, I am settled for the first time, in a position that is almost certainly going to be rewarding in the immediate term (I get to do research and doodle about with theories and concepts and world issues), in the medium term (I get a doctorate) and in the long term in the many transferrable skills I am learning am developing: I can manage (and hopefully engage - I don't know, I sadly haven't yet had the opportunity) a classroom of young adults; I can initiate, build a framework for, manage, and carry out a four year research project; I can write and give good presentations, papers and hopefully, books; I can self-motivate; I can understand, consider and apply theoretical concepts to everyday praxis and so on and so forth. I am not going to come out with a PhD and a happy smile, then head off to the dole centre. Lord knows what I will do - but why should I pigeonhole myself now?! I have two/three years before I am off job-seeking anyway, and I think I will get jobs from schmoozing rather than advertisements. So there. And, and, - I wouldn't say this because it is a bit depressing - but I sincerely believe that you should follow your heart in work, and you will be rewarded. With natural passion and enthusiasm and happiness and comfort in your field, great things will grow. There are enough humdrum jobs out there that, if all fails, one can take up and earn money from - being out of work is not cool. But, try and follow your dreams and they may just come true. So that lady may feel smug and happy in her 'secure' position of employment, but hark back to wanting to do something else with a regretful sigh every so often. And she cancelled it out because she thought she knew the future. I would rather take the risk.

If torn between making a choice between security and insecurity, choose insecurity every time.

This is a quote from George Monbiot, a big environmentalist in Britian, who argues that 'security' - money, house, mortgage, waitrose shopping, private school etc etc - often creates increased insecurity in a person because they have more to lose and everything is based on earning more money. Having lots of money means you often spend more and embed yourself in a demanding capitalist mainstream. If you remain aloof from this mainstream, and don't place money at the top of your list but live for happiness and personal or familial reward, this will give one inner security. I like this argument. I want to earn money, but it is not what drives me. I don't have a thing for fancy cars, private schools, expensive clothes, posh gyms, fancy restaurants. I do have a bit of a thing for my future rambling cottage (now overpriced or being lived in once a year for two weeks by some banker's family from London), veggie garden, an outbuilding for my artistic (now in jeopardy as am colour-blind) tendencies, writing for a living, having too many children, rainbuckets for watering my wee garden, tatty old rugs and throws, second hand books, a dog, camping, friends and barbecues on the beach. And DB, I have quite a thing for him tank da laird.

This post was meant to be much shorter than this! Must get on and read about imperialism.

Will report back later!

x J