Blackpool!

Ahhh! I have had the loveliest weekend! We were late for the Boosh due to vile roads, and fell out in the car because, again, DB was late finishing up and I was cross at his lack of organisation. Who is late to their own Birthday surprise?!!!!??!!

Anyway, we got there and had a laugh and the tension went promptly. We had such a fun time bumbling around Blackpool. It is the strangest place, with people dressed up for clubbing, drunk in pubs at lunchtime! And lapdancing clubs and nightclubs open in the middle of the day. Curious. Too many of the men were total letches. But miraculously last night we found a quite nice bar in town and settled in for the evening away from the stags. Ahh walking around and eating in cafes and going on some rides was great fun and really relaxing. Today is tense because we have such a hectic few days in front of us and are quite hungover. I am chilling at the moment with a view to going up and cleaning my office soon... Who knows if I will get round to it. I may skive today and do it and the bedroom tomorrow... Then the bathroom and kitchen on Tues, and the kitchen again on Weds and taking stuff into storage on Weds too. Weds eve and Thurs am cleaning... And Thurs pm we move out! How it will happen I can't imagine... I have work to read in the evenings too. And Tamil to learn. So I am so busy that maybe I should chill today and store my energies for a final blitzing few days. It's under control really.

Had a total nightmare earlier about the research. How on earth am I going to do it? How am I going to find out anything? Enough? HOW?!! I am properly scared. I have to make all these contacts and am quite a shy person. And I am not a badger-er either. The information will not come to me, I will need to seek it out. What if I spend three months looking in the wrong places?!!! What will I do if I come back and know nothing? Or come back and my information isn't credible because I neglected to do it 'professionally'? I am not sure what professional is. I do feel like I am making it up to an extent; I wonder how much this is usual, and part of the research apprenticeship that is a PhD, and how much is ignorance. Grrr. I don't have enough time. I feel that I read and everything tells me the same stuff so think I must have covered a lot of bases. But then I think I am trying to control something that is by defnition, a mystery, that needs to be researched. I suppose I have to have faith that on some level the research will guide me, and I it. I just have to be vigilant and keep thinking about it...

I just don't know! I need a PhD cuddle methinks. I must seek out a reassuring person! Hmm. I don't know any. Arse.

x J