Friday 9 December 2011

Heart in Mouth Syndrome

Is it a syndrome?  Am not sure.  BUT anyway, I am finding that at the moment I really am working with my heart in my mouth.

For example. I have a citation in one chapter that, although it is ace where it is, would also be fabulous in another chapter.  I then have to take it from one to the other and make sure I remember to go back and fill the gap I have left.  I then have to be sure that the whole paragraph I am blabbing on about hasn't been said somewhere else.  What if it has?  In fact, maybe it shouldn't be in this chapter at all - or the other, but in my literature review!  And if so, I should write a note about that somewhere so I know, when I come to my lit review, to write about it.  And then I think, but do I know enough about it for it to be in the lit review?  Will I have to do lots more research on it to make it proper, rather than just something I know about, or something I used to know a lot about but it has actually been 4 years since I studied it so obviously I have forgotton...  but I must have the notes somewhere.  Somewhere.  I think I know where.  but it will take me aaaaages to dig them out!  And that is such a waste of time right now.  So I should just leave a note.  And know, in my heart, that i shall have a tonne of work to do in a months time reading up about it.  But I don't have time! 

Oh god, oh god.  I even forgot which chapter I was writing about earlier, and was writing for a different one!  And then I noticed I had drunk all my coffee but cannot remember doing that for the life of me!

Oh god! 

I am losing it.  And I haven't even got to the hard bit yet!  How on EARTH am I going to be able to edit all these chapters and remember what I read and where in order to delete/add bla bla?  I just can't remember!

PANIIIIIC!

Please say this *is* the hard bit...

But at least I have worked lots.  And it really is coming together and sounding good (I think.  Probably not but I can't think about that.)  Honestly, I get all adrenaliney trying to remember everything and type it in quick enough before I forget my other points bla bla. 

I think it is getting time to stop ;0)  but I am definitely getting to the point where I wish I didn't have to sleep or make myself lunch or anything.  I am so happy I *have* to stop to get my Bean and *have* to switch off to make his tea and play with him.  And I do switch off - my brain is such that it is hard to look after him and meet his needs *and* fret about this rather high-level mental juggling ;0) 

Is going to take all my willpower not to drink wine and blurb on at DB tonight.  but I must be with it tomorrow.

And anyway, I am exhausted!  And I feel a bit sick.

x J

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