Arf the childminder has called in sick :(
Am so frustrated! I hate, hate, hate the way I have to rely on other people to work. I have to rely on DB to look after Bean on the weekends, and at the mo his work is really busy and he totally resents me working on my 'hobby' when he could be doing important stuff that earns money (grrrrrrrr). And in the week I have the childminder but sometimes on Tuesdays she cancels because she has been a bit sick. Am sure she has but is very random.
Anyway. Am home with Bean. I will work if he has a nap. DB is out playing footie tonight so I won't be free to work until Bean is asleep. I will work until 10pm. I am so keen to finish this chapter today but doubt this will happen. If Bean goes outside to play I might try and do some then, standing at the kitchen worktop, as it should be quite straightforward to do now... but I hate thinking I 'will' do that because then if Bean doesn't want to play outside, or begs me to play with him I feel guilty for not working :(
It is lovely to spend time with him just the two of us though; I worked a lot over bank hols and if I wasn't working DB was, or we were eating out to get away from the stress of being at home! We didn't really hang together and the atmosphere was quite frought I think. It will be like that now; DB wants to work at weekends too now as work is busy. I *hate* him working at home but can hardly say anything when I have to too. And I know he will take the piss and work more and if I get cross he will tell me I have to be more 'flexible' (which means work when I am told I can, not when I want to). I hate these fights, I feel panicky just thinking about it all. After the mc, when I was 'off' work our house was so much calmer. Now I am back to work properly and want to work as much as I can, but not from midnight to 4am, and I am a threat to DB who also wants to work constantly. :( :( major stress.
Still coldy but keeping it at bay with tablets. Fine really, just lethargic.
x J
Am so frustrated! I hate, hate, hate the way I have to rely on other people to work. I have to rely on DB to look after Bean on the weekends, and at the mo his work is really busy and he totally resents me working on my 'hobby' when he could be doing important stuff that earns money (grrrrrrrr). And in the week I have the childminder but sometimes on Tuesdays she cancels because she has been a bit sick. Am sure she has but is very random.
Anyway. Am home with Bean. I will work if he has a nap. DB is out playing footie tonight so I won't be free to work until Bean is asleep. I will work until 10pm. I am so keen to finish this chapter today but doubt this will happen. If Bean goes outside to play I might try and do some then, standing at the kitchen worktop, as it should be quite straightforward to do now... but I hate thinking I 'will' do that because then if Bean doesn't want to play outside, or begs me to play with him I feel guilty for not working :(
It is lovely to spend time with him just the two of us though; I worked a lot over bank hols and if I wasn't working DB was, or we were eating out to get away from the stress of being at home! We didn't really hang together and the atmosphere was quite frought I think. It will be like that now; DB wants to work at weekends too now as work is busy. I *hate* him working at home but can hardly say anything when I have to too. And I know he will take the piss and work more and if I get cross he will tell me I have to be more 'flexible' (which means work when I am told I can, not when I want to). I hate these fights, I feel panicky just thinking about it all. After the mc, when I was 'off' work our house was so much calmer. Now I am back to work properly and want to work as much as I can, but not from midnight to 4am, and I am a threat to DB who also wants to work constantly. :( :( major stress.
Still coldy but keeping it at bay with tablets. Fine really, just lethargic.
x J
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